


Honestly?

by LetUsWriteItOut



Series: 2020 Challanges [3]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Challenge Response, M/M, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, References to Depression, Severus Snape-centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-16
Updated: 2020-08-19
Packaged: 2021-03-04 04:54:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 21
Words: 30,083
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24678010
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LetUsWriteItOut/pseuds/LetUsWriteItOut
Summary: Severus is unable to lie, but Harry just wouldn't leave him alone.I got the prompt for this fic from ladyofsilverdawn. I'd like to thank her very much for it! XOXO
Relationships: Harry Potter/Severus Snape, Regulus Black/Severus Snape
Series: 2020 Challanges [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1694968
Comments: 118
Kudos: 184





	1. Chapter 1

Severus knew.

Shame was a tool in human evolution. 

You didn’t want to be caught outside community norms.

If by any chance you did, your flooding guilt towards society (shame) would put you in your place.

The shame of Severus was amplified by Dumbledore for a good cause.

Shame prevented Snape from achieving what he otherwise could have, maybe.

And therefore, it kept him in check.

It helped Potter, and that was his goal just as Dumbledore’s.

Shame could be covered up by lies.

Quieted by other louder things.

Hid, behind other emotions and communication that didn’t reflect the truth.

Shame could make a person believe that if they were killed in battle, there was nothing left to mourn.

In the Battle of Hogwarts, shame on Severus was the oil for the machine.

After it?

There shouldn’t have been an after, yet.

Maybe he hadn’t yet suffered enough.

Because Potter knew everything and Severus lived.

Not only, but the unconventional extraction of his memories along with the snake venom damaged him.

Some of his nerves and neurons were so damaged he had to relearn even simple tasks like walking. 

Eating. Holding a wand. Putting on his boots.

Reading was out of the question still, giving him headaches with needles pinching at his brain.

His Occlumency - gone. 

So much that he found he couldn’t lie.

Not even about his pain to the Mediwithes at Mungo which was a simple matter.

So the more intricate lies he used to tell daily became unavailable.

There was no way to cover his shame anymore.

Only if he was unapproachable was he protected.

Away from the wizarding world like an excommunicated villain.

Maybe he was, and this was his life sentence.

A prison he built for himself in the midst of the Muggles.

Leading a life without magic.

Maybe one could get used to it like missing a limb.

At least it felt real, the pain and the drab surroundings.

He told Minerva Potter could be never exposed to the truth.

So the foolish boy wouldn’t know he was alive - the first line of defense.

Severus living with the Muggles and not using magic was the second.

He may have been incapable to shoulder the shame that was reflected back at him by the boy’s mere existence.

But he made sure he’d never have to face that hellish mirror again.


	2. Chapter 2

It went like this.

Granger kept knocking on his door until he opened it, after which Weasley carried the unconscious Potter in barging in like a ram.

Severus: “Go away.”

Granger: “We need your help.”

S: “In case you haven’t heard: get out of my house. Pretty please.”

G: “He’s dying.”

S: “That’s not my problem.”

G: “I can make it yours if I call the Aurors, telling them you survived and skipped your trial after the war.”

S: “That would be of no help to you.”

G: “But if you let Harry die, I will do it without hesitation.”

S: “If not providing him any help constitutes as letting him die than you’re letting him die as well, Miss Granger. Just as Mr. Weasley.”

G: “No, because I got him to the best Potion Master I know to help.”

S: “If you mean me, that only speaks about your limited experience and naivety to think empty flattery will get me to do anything.”

It wasn’t so bad, considering that he was so adamant keeping the topic safe. Posing as his old self so much that they wouldn’t even question him.

So he didn’t have to lie. But he forgot it was Granger, and Potter had no secrets in front of his idiot of friends.

G: “I don’t think flattery would get me anywhere. But if you could save Harry, you wouldn’t let him die now after everything, or am I mistaken?”

Direct questions, unfortunately, were almost impossible to get out of without telling a truth, and Severus strained as long as he could before answering but it was useless.

S: “No.”

Even Granger must have expected more resistance because she carried on arguing before she realized what he just said.

G: “Because I doubt that… oh, see? You want to help.”

S: “I don’t wish him or anyone else to die in my presence, contrary to the popular belief. But I was also badly damaged in the battle. My mental capabilities aren’t as they once were.”

G: “You’re lying.”

S: “I wish I could.”

Snape wanted to change his answer to omission originally, by answering with an “I wish I was”, but that didn’t work.

He spent too much effort on misleading Granger before by talking about his injuries of the war which were truly grave, leading her to believe he couldn’t help.

By then, he thought Granger would notice he was off his game, and with a direct question he’d be exposed, but Granger was a compassionate witch, and her focus was still on his previous statement.

G: “Look, I’m really sorry what happened to you, and we wouldn’t be here to disturb your retirement if there was another way, but—“

However, Weasley just put Potter down to _his_ bed, and as a practiced chess player, noticed the move his girlfriend didn’t, aiming straight for the kill.

Weasley: “What do you mean by you wish you could?”

S: “I suffered some brain damage in the battle, and I can’t lie.”

W: “So, tell us what do you think about Hermione.”

S: “Granger is annoying and gets lost in the details easily. But she is also a kind of friend to Potter I wish I had, and she can be so persistent that whatever she puts her mind into, she will always achieve it.”

There was a slight shock on Granger’s face, and a grin on Weasley’s, as the wizard no doubt wanted to carry on asking him all sorts of questions, but at least the witch had the decency to stop him.

G: “I guess I should thank you for the compliments, Professor. But we’re wasting time. So I’m only going to ask you one question. Can you help Harry or not?”

S: “I can. Although I’d rather Adava myself than to face Potter in my condition once he gets better.”

Granger and Weasley exchanged knowing looks, and by then, luckily, Weasley didn’t seem to have the malicious glint in his eyes anymore. His worry for Potter overwrote his enjoyment of torturing his ex-Potions Professor it seemed.

G: “We can both promise you not to ask any direct or leading questions while we’re here, and take Harry back to Mungo as soon as he is on the road of recovery, but I would like you to help him in return.”

It was, Severus guessed, the best deal he could strike given the circumstances.

S: “And neither of you will tell him about my condition later?”

He knew how the Golden Trio didn’t have any filter between them, after all.

W: “We bloody won’t! Just get to doing whatever potion you need to, would you?”

It wasn’t a terrible solution. Working on a batch would help Severus disregard the humiliation that now both Granger and Weasley knew about his terrible secret.

S: “What exactly happened to him?”

G: “Poisoning.”

S: “Give him a bezoar then. You don’t need my help with that.“

G: “It’s not that easy. You see, he was working on a universal antidote for different poisons all magical creatures had. Maybe because he still blames himself for your fake-death, by the way.”

S: “If you think I will feel sorry for not letting Potter know I was alive, you’re mistaken.”

G: “Anyway, he used himself to experiment. Injected some Basilisk venom and imbibed the antidote-potion he made himself. Which, accidentally, also contained fragments of a bezoar, so it slowed down the spread of the poison, but also meant that when the Healers of Mungo gave him a bezoar to cure him, it didn’t help at all.”

Severus felt furious. Potter making Potions and testing it on himself? Has no-one thought that was indeed a catastrophe, even before he started?

S: “I need samples of the venom and all his notes on the potion he took, and possible years to figure out how to counteract all the ill effects of the mess he had made.”

G: “We have the sample, and here are his notes. But the healers say you have about a week to heal him before he slips into an irreversible coma.”

S: “I advise putting him into a magically induced coma, possibly buying us an extra week then. And you can’t be here. I need to concentrate.”

Which, also meant that he had to take care of Potter when Weasley and Granger weren’t around, but this way he could also monitor his condition closely, administering carefully selected strengthening potions to him.

At least - going by Potter’s notes - Potter wasn’t as bad of a dunderhead in brewing as he led Severus to believe he was.

He didn’t completely mess up the antidote he was taking, just lacked a certain finesse - maybe more technical knowledge of Potions, but his instincts were mostly right.

Which, in the field of Potions, was still a mistake that would kill you, but much easily correctable if Severus wanted to reverse it than if it was Longbottom taking something he made.


	3. Chapter 3

Severus decided sleep was a good idea since he was up working most days and night around the clock before he managed to save Potter, and said a tearful goodbye to the Golden Trio finally.

Except, only a day passed, and Potter was at his door, and though Severus didn’t open it, he went on and blasted it down.

Snape: “If you wanted to thank me so badly for saving your life, Potter, a card would have more than sufficed. No need to destroy my house in the process, you know.”

Potter: “Thank you?! How about you telling me you lived? When I almost die, McGonagall miraculously tells my friends you’re alive, you save me as always, and neither Ron nor Hermione would tell me what the hell is going on?”

S: “I didn’t want you in my house longer than necessary, and I asked them not to disturb me.”

It was true, yet also hard to say without some other things that were also.

P: “I don’t give a fuck what you want or not, it has been 9 years! 9 godforsaken years, Snape, that I have mourned for you, feeling your death was my fault and I should have saved you, and I thought the questions I have for you could be never answered, yet you were alive and well all along!”

He did mention questions, so Snape had to steer away from that line of thought as fas as possible.

S: “I’m not well. And I doubt I will ever be. And Albus isn’t here anymore, so I can’t be coerced to—“

P: “Hermione and Ron told me you were sick, but they wouldn’t tell me what’s wrong with you. But it can’t be so bad, if you were good enough to come to my rescue when I needed it the most, could it?”

Potter was looking much older now, a wizard and not a boy anymore, but he was still such a brat as ever.

S: “How dare you tell me how good or bad I can feel! And complaining about me saving your life as if it annoyed you that it was me saving you when everyone else clearly couldn’t!”

P: “Yes, it’s infuriating, and you can’t even imagine how much! Not only you live, but my life-debts to you just keep on multiplying!”

It was the first time Severus understood Potter’s sentiment, possibly ever. Just thinking about when James Potter saved his life was like a punch in a gut, every time he chose to think about it.

S: “I won’t keep it over your head. Consider us even, with your father saving me once. I only demand you leave me alone as a thank you.”

P: “That’s the only thing I can’t possibly do.”

S: “There is nothing else I’d want more.”

If only it worked, and he could get away with a conversation with Potter without it turning to a disaster. Yet, he should have known just when he would hope, that’s only when things would turn for the worst.

P: “What are your symptoms since the war? What happened to you then? Maybe I can help you with that.”

S: “Nerve damage. I can’t walk without a walking stick, my coordination is so bad I can’t even hold a wand, and I have mental insufficiencies as well, but I don’t want you to help me with any of it.”

He was shaking from the effort just not to say outright what was his worst problem, and hell, it was only because Potter asked a vague enough question.

P: “You seem fine mentally to me, even if physically you look like you’re in pain. What’s the problem?”

S: “Maybe because I extracted my memories forcefully, or because of Nagini, but I can’t Occlude anymore, amongst other things.”

Like the nightmares, shaking, sudden panic attacks, insomnia, forgetfulness, and so on and so on. 

P: “I fail to see how that’s a problem if you don’t serve the Dark Lord anymore.”

S: “Well, as horrible as it was, talking to you again, Mr. Potter, I’m not sorry to suggest that you should go, and leave my medical care to me—“

P: “No, seriously, Hermione told me it’s something terrible and not to investigate it. But you make it sound like it isn’t.”

S: “You should listen to her.”

P: “Especially living in a Muggle small town in the middle of nowhere. Why is it so bad if you can’t hide your thoughts so tight with magic?”

S: “Because it’s not only that, but I can’t lie. I can’t lie, even when I want to, like when you come and pressure me into telling you what my problem is!”

Severus could have cursed Potter, except his wand was in the drawer of his nightstand, unused, and his nonverbal was not as reliable anymore.

And Potter very much stared like Granger when she first heard what the problem was, considering how to test what he’d just heard, probably.

P: “Were you in love with my mother? In your memories, it seemed so, but it’s not like I received a commentary on how you perceived it, and—“

S: “I loved her as if she was my sister. I’m gay and had a crush on Remus Lupin at that time, but dated Regulus Black.”

Now Potter’s eyes were big as saucers.

S: “You should go—“

P: “And me, do you really hate me?”

S: “No. But I will curse you into pieces if you keep this line of questioning up, right now.”

That made the corner of Potter’s mouth twitch upward for just a second.

P: “Well, I’ll leave for today. And won’t ask you questions. But tomorrow I’ll start by helping you.”

S: “Noone will open the door for you in this house.”

P: “You did finish the potion I was working on for 6 years. So I need the next project anyway and owe you. Wouldn’t you like to brew a potion to get back to your old self?”

S: “I do, but—“

P: “Great. Tomorrow we’ll start then. I’ll arrange for some ingredients and a potions station to be set up in the Ministry for you, and you can just come to my department by 9. Unless you prefer I barge on you in your home every day like this?”

S: “I very much preferred a third option, if there was one.”

P: “At least you still have a sense of humor, that’s good. Don't worry, we’ll get you back to lying-self in no time as well.”

Only Potter could make Snape sound so devious, yet beam at him with such an honest smile that Severus was almost blinded by it.

He let Potter go, feeling hollow and completely worn out, and also glad that Potter left, intent on not going to the Ministry at all. 

But it was also a trap, because if he didn’t, what would stop Potter from coming back to him? With all the questions about everything and anything he could think of?

Severus could curse the boy out of his home with some preparation, and pack up and leave to somewhere else, but knowing Potter, he could only delay but never escape him.

He badly needed to have his Occlumency back and cursed himself for not trying to already fix it with some potions on his own. 

So maybe, if he was smart about it, why not let Potter help, and try to be done with it as quickly as they possibly could? 

Then he could disappear... when at least he'd be safe if a Muggle asked him if he was a wizard and at least could lie about it, in the hiding. Not that he was much of a wizard anymore...


	4. Chapter 4

Severus was kind of irritated when he went to look for Potter, and the first thing the other wizard did was ask a question.

Potter: “Good morning, nice to see you here. How have you slept?”

Severus: “I didn’t. I also have insomnia.”

Then, Potter must have realized his mistake, because he quickly added.

P: “Sorry, old habits die hard. I didn’t mean to force you to answer. Note to self: must go without any how-are-you-s in the Professor’s presence.”

So maybe it was an honest mistake. And maybe Severus should not care so much if people thought he was weak because he couldn’t sleep well ever since the war.

S: “I haven’t been a Professor for a long time now.”

P: “Alright, then should I call you Mr. Snape?”

S: “My correct title would be Potions Master Snape, but you can call me Severus, or there is a possibility you’d burn the whole building of the Ministry down before you could tell me there was a problem.”

There were only so many syllables a person could yell if there was an emergency, after all.

P: “Severus, you keep surprising me.”

Severus decided he could still roll his eyes if he heard something like that and it annoyed him.

P: “And you can call me Harry. Maybe you can inspect the Potions laboratory we have, where I had the elves prepare a station for you, what do you think?”

Severus winced because what he was thinking at that moment wasn’t connected to what Harry meant to ask.

S: “I merely pondered upon how many witches called you Harry before, and how naked and out of breath they were when they did.”

It wasn’t Severus’s fault. Potter dated the youngest Weasley, then got to the front page of the Prophet with a nasty break-up, and ever since then, nothing.

It was natural if Harry dated around, but one would have to wonder whether he told those women it was him, and they’d call him Harry or was disguised by a couple of spells.

P: “That’s inappropriate, and I meant—“

S: “ _I know,_ but you worded your question wrong, and it’s not like I can do anything about that.”

It was almost funny. Severus telling the truth shook the ever famous Boy-Who-Lived. There was a sadistic part of Snape that enjoyed this little victory after all the humiliation he went through with this “curse”.

P: “What do you think about checking out the potion equipment first? Then I’d be running a couple of diagnostic spells on you if you don’t mind.”

S: “If we must.”

Potter directed them to a nice enough brewing space and even had shelves of ingredients, which gave Severus a false sense of security, because one moment he was safe and looking at the containers, the next, Harry trusted a question on him.

P: “Do you seriously take me for someone who sleeps around with a lot of witches?”

S: “Yes? You certainly have a large enough fan club for it. Especially since you won the war.”

P: “I see.”

And Severus could have complained, because unlike the other two times, Potter now misused his knowledge about Snape’s condition to extract information, but since it was about him, Severus just gave an irritated, warning look not to do it again, and luckily Potter didn’t.

Except.

P: “Maybe it’s only fair I also tell you the truth when you accidentally have to. An eye for an eye kind of thing, just to make you feel better.”

S: “That’s the last thing that would make me feel better. If you want to try to help me, don’t talk to me unless it’s really necessary, and consider whenever you ask something twice.”

P: “Aren’t you at least a little bit curious?”

S: “Rarely.”

P: “See, that’s not a no! So, I’m gay as well. Therefore, you will not find me with your imaginary group of witches, because I’m not interested in them at all.”

S: “That’s the same difference. You can sleep with a different wizard every night.”

Of course, if Severus could, he would have just shut up. But omission didn’t work when he had strong opinions or emotions about something.

P: “Except people don’t know, and I don’t want them to know, so I rarely decide to take a risk.”

S: “There are several ways for a wizard to hide his person.”

P: “But I’m married to my research.”

S: “But your research was concluded last week, so maybe things will change now.”

P: “Honestly? I worked so hard with it to honor your memory, and because it turns out Slughorn was right, and I’m not so bad in Potions as you led me to believe.”

S: “There is no reason to punish yourself any longer than, knowing full well that I lived.”

P: “However, this new research I just got is much more important. Because I can not only honor a memory by doing too little too late but help you get better right now. And not even because I owe you multiple life debts, but because I want to see you get better.”

S: “No offense, but if this is the truth, I prefer when you lie your head off, Potter.”

P: “Why?”

S: “I don’t know, because it makes me highly uncomfortable?”

At least the sarcastic tone masked most of the vulnerability but didn’t help much.

P: “I thought you’d be almost smug to know I always kind of found you attractive, Severus.”

S: “Do you wish me to leave? Because I don’t think I like where this conversation is going, and meanwhile you pretend that you’re under the same burden as I am, you aren’t. Not really.”

P: “Wait, wait! I get it. _I hate you just as much now as I always did. But it’s a unique project I’m dying to get to, even if it’s with you._ How about that?”

S: “Doesn’t make me feel better about saving your life every time before but I guess I appreciate it better than your previous comments.”

P: “So, this Reverse-Veritasserum…”

S: “That’s terrible. We aren’t calling it that. Besides—“

P: “You might need some special healing potion, with no connection to the side-effect of telling the truth. I know. But still sounds cool…”

S: “It doesn’t.”

Potter just put his hand on his chest.

P: “Ouch. It hurts me to think you honestly hate the name.”

S: “As it pains me that you didn’t even consider that I naturally would.”

Unlike the younger version, Potter just laughed at his comments. And Severus couldn’t lie to himself how he - for a fleeting moment just then - thought he understood Harry’s fan club.

Harry grew up to be quite a charming wizard, which was only showcased when he laughed. Snape even considered how he would have expected the other wizard to have a laugh like Lily, or else James Potter.

But, maybe since he didn’t know them, it wasn’t the case, and although Severus could only pray to Merlin he’d never be forced to speak the truth about this, he thought he certainly hated Harry less after that.


	5. Chapter 5

Months had passed, and they were stuck without progress, which gave Severus headaches.

Not to mention, the truth wasn't meant to be funny. Severus wasn't trying to entertain the youngest Potter.

Yet, every time Severus was as brutally honest as he was forced to be about everyday things, Harry had some kind of a reaction.

Granger: “Heading out for lunch. Would you like to join us, Professor?”

Severus: “I’d rather cut off one of my arms and eat that, Miss Granger.”

Potter just chuckled.

Then, there was the incident when:

Weasley: “I’m not saying you should not be cured, but Harry’s department receives a good deal of money from the Ministry, and so far he’s been working on things that were beneficial to the whole wizarding society, not just one person.”

Potter: “Ron, stop. I offered to help.”

W: “I know, but how is this fair?”

S: “You have a point, Mr. Weasley, and it isn’t. As in life a lot of things are not.”

W: “Don’t you feel bad about it? Why can’t Mungo research it for you? Or even you researching on your own, you are supposed to be brilliant and everything.”

P: “Ron! Stop it.”

S: “First of all, the only thing I find more torturous than working with Potter is when I get questions about it, so you could say that I _do_ feel bad, although I’m guessing that until I burn in Hell screaming for all the crimes I committed, I won’t feel bad enough for your liking, Mr. Weasley.”

Weasley only seemed annoyed, but Severus still didn’t answer all the questions, and he had no choice.

S: “Second, Mungo is both overwhelmed lacking the proper number of Healers, and underqualified to treat such a special case as mine. And while I could do it myself as you oh-so-malevolently pointed out, you forget that most of my money and potion equipment was taken away from me when I was presumed dead, and the ingredients are not cheap.”

P: “Shit, that’s right. I didn’t consider that either. I will—”

S: “Can’t say I’m surprised.”

Which didn’t get a laugh, but earned a soft smile from the Wizard Who Lived, which was maybe even worse.

Not to mention, there was that other time when:

P: “I’m getting some sandwiches for us to eat, we’ve been working for 14 hours straight. Would you like anything else?”

S: “Let me see. World peace, my health back, a blow job. I’ll think of the more if these already came to pass.”

Normal reaction would have been to at least be disgusted, or apologize because Potter still didn’t grasp the depth of his questions sometimes, but no such luck.

P: “Let’s see if I can help you with at least one of that. Do you like mayonnaise?”

It was unnerving. Potter surely didn’t think he’d bring world peace around soon, and if not, then the “at least” comment was the Gryffindor wizard toying with him.

However, the worst came to pass only later.

Potter: “Last night I had this brilliant idea. We have reason to think the ingredient Adder’s Fork should also be added to your potion, but how to test it? On its own, we can easily poison you. But if we gave you Veritaserum, which contains it, there should be no side-effect if it's you.”

It was not as if Severus had anything to lose, that much was right.

P: “So, are you excited?”

S: “You should at least get rid of some clothing before asking something like that, although I’m not entirely sure it would accomplish the indicated outcome, only that you’ve at least tried.”

P: “You’re funny.”

And, Potter got back to work after Severus also took the potion, but they were still working at night when Harry asked.

P: “Do you need a break?”

S: “No.”

P: “Then a sandwich from the Ministry trolley?”

S: “Yes.”

Only, that wasn’t entirely true. He was hungry but didn’t _need_ the food, only wanted it. It was only a nuance of wording difference, yet he was unable to do so before.

Interpreting the questions as they were meant, not as they were worded strictly speaking, so he turned to Potter.

S: “Ask me a personal question. Maybe something that I wouldn’t like to necessarily answer, but it wouldn’t be ultimately humiliating if I did.”

P: “Are you sure?… Okay… Do you have a secret hobby nobody knows of?”

S: “No, but that’s the truth.”

P: "Do you have a sweet tooth?"

S: "No."

P: “Um, did you ever have any pets that weren’t meant to become potion ingredients?”

S: “No, but these questions are too—”

P: “Very insightful, but then let me try something else. If I hit on you, would you ever consider sleeping with me?”

S: “What kind of question is that?”

Potter just laughed, then paused, and looked at him with wonder.

P: “It worked. Merlin, you didn’t answer! That’s a good start.”

S: “Ask me another question, and I shall try not to just omit, but lie.”

Severus felt almost hopeful. Given that Potter’s moronic idea worked, and if nothing else, they had just found a way for him to at least not answer the questions he didn’t want to answer.

P: “Should it be a safe question, or a tricky one?”

Harry’s eyes were wild with fickle lights dancing in them as if daring Severus. And if the questions weren’t bold, he wasn’t desperate enough to hide his answers.

S: “I guess it has to be tricky, but maybe not about yourself?”

Harry blushed slightly but nodded.

H: “It should be a yes or no question, easy to tell if you can do it. When you joined Voldemort, did you seriously want to hurt people? Muggles?”

S: “Yes.”

P: “Was that the truth?”

S: “Unfortunately, yes. Still, with the serum and omission, I could live the rest of my life in relative peace, so I’m grateful we’ve tried this.”

P: “And that sentiment can’t even be a lie! Great!”

Severus did frown at Potter’s enthusiasm because it almost sounded his diminished condition was celebrated, but it wasn't.

Next morning Harry prepared both of them tea and dosed one of the cups with Veritserum to start the day.

Only, Severus should have learned by now, that when he dropped his guard, treasuring a false sense of security, the worst was only behind the very next corner.

They were even making good progress incorporating Adder’s Fork before it happened.

P: “Feel free not to comment on this, but judging by how you didn’t answer my question yesterday, you’ve already given yourself away. You think of me as either disgusting or sexy, otherwise, you could have just answered it. So I’ve found myself wondering, what do you really think?”

 _Or I was just wondering why you’d even propose such thing._ That would have been what Severus would have said, distancing them from the topic while not insulting Harry either.

Yet, something was wrong, because he was once again compelled to tell the truth.

S: “It's the second. But I also think that would be highly inappropriate, even if tempting. Even if it was for a single night.”

P: “It wouldn’t be, I love you, I think.”

Severus first thought his potion worn out, and Potter was joking. But the way Harry's face was twisted by surprise then sheer panic, his breath speeding up told a different story.

S: “Did you make sure I got the right cup of tea in the morning?”

P: “No, I was distracted by you looking so relaxed this morning as if you were in a good mood, looking better, so I just put the serum in and I wasn’t paying any atten—”

It was a shitshow. Potter must have exchanged their cups and got the Veritaserum instead of Severus, which meant neither of them could lie or hide anything at the moment.

However, Severus refused to think about what Potter’s words meant. Rather, he pushed himself to think. Veritaserum also made its victims suggestible, so maybe not all was lost just yet.

S: “First of all, stop talking. Go home without speaking to anyone, and don’t let anyone reach you either. Not until tomorrow. And by then, forget about this whole ordeal, as if nothing happened.”


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A more wordy chapter, but I hope it's worth it. ;) Thank you all for reading! XOXO

Weeks had passed since the accident, but Severus couldn’t find any indication that Harry remembered, which was for the best.

Except, one day when Harry was just handing him his Veritaserum-spiked tea, he felt Harry’s hand on his arm, stopping him from drinking it.

Potter: “Just one thing before you take it. If you wouldn’t have to worry about what it would mean or bring later, would you have sex with me?”

Severus froze, his heartbeat picking up, instinctually looking for exists, as if he could escape a direct question without the serum if he just ran fast enough.

Harry’s friends didn’t always abide by their promise not to ask Severus questions he wouldn't want to answer, but Harry respected his privacy, even when the others didn’t.

Except now. Why? Because he remembered and his ego was bruised by one wizard, who wasn’t lionizing him?

Severus: “Yes.”

P: “But then?”

S: “But it doesn’t mean we should. What you think you’re feeling towards me is probably just transference since I saved your life.”

That’s what Severus told himself as well when sometimes his thoughts wandered back to Harry’s confession.

With a new resolve, Severus took the cup into his other hand and drank the tea before Harry could stop him. However, the Wizard Who Lived was looking at him with a wondering expression, still not releasing Severus from his grip yet.

P: “I didn’t ask if it’s a morally correct choice, but whether or not you’d enjoy it if you didn’t have to care about anything else, and you said yes.”

S: “You pushed me to answer a question when you knew I couldn’t avoid it. Just that—“

Only that was revolting, yet it wasn’t over. Next, Harry charmed the cup on the table, pushing Severus to it with a demanding kiss.

Severus cursed himself inwardly. He should have disappeared again when Harry accidentally confessed to him, but he dared to hope this will not happen. A mistake, clearly.

Yet also, he wasn’t the one who would just accept (a) Potter’s authority over him.

So, he turned them around, and tried to show Harry if they were to kiss, Severus would be in control and pinning him down, demanding Harry to obey his every whim.

He didn’t think this would suit the Gryffindor’s taste at all, yet when he did take the rein, Harry only moaned into the kiss, put his legs around Severus’s hips, running his fingers through Severus’s hair.

Only pulling him closer instead of letting go. As if he wouldn’t mind the bat of dungeons having him right there and then, so if anyone stopped this motion, it had to be Severus.

But he didn’t let Harry go when this realization hit him, savoring the moment just a little bit longer, and by the time he did, Granger was standing at the door, staring at them with the shock frozen on her face.

G: “Harry, what the hell?”

P: “Hermione, I can explain!”

Granger didn’t seem to care about explanations, because she just turned and left, with the Wizard-Who-Lived racing after her, and Severus couldn’t help but feel maybe it was for the best.

If Harry stayed, he would have been tempted not to stop, when Harry was throwing himself so carelessly at Severus. However, next was Granger who appeared again, dragging Potter behind her.

G: “If you’re fucking my best friend, the least you can do is to have dinner with us today. And tell us all about how did you think it was a good idea because, at this moment, I have to say I’m not convinced.”

Severus wanted to object, but she wouldn’t listen, and when he turned the Harry, the other wizard shrugged.

P: “I swear I tried to tell her it wasn’t like that, but she already made up her mind and thought I was lying. But I managed to calm her down saying you’d come for dinner where we can tell her, and she cooks well, believe me.”

S: “You’re living with Weasley and Granger?”

P: “It’s better than being completely alone. But I guess it means if you want privacy, we’d have to go to your place—“

By then, Severus had time to clear his head, and with a firm resolve say.

S: “It will never happen. I won’t fuck someone who used to be my student, and—“

P: “Good, you should tell exactly this to Hermione later. Since she knows you can’t lie, maybe then she’ll listen when I tell her this hasn’t been ongoing since months, ‘behind her back’ as she’d put it.”

S: “I’m not going.”

P: “I don’t think she’ll leave you any choice.”

So this was the story of how Severus had to endure the most awkward dinner ever in the company of the Golden Trio, without even being guilty of the crime Granger accused him of.

Maybe if he did at least bed Potter, he would have more patience to listen to Granger and Weasley.

Since there wasn’t even any alcohol Severus could take, he escaped to the stairs of the apartment building, hoping to get a little bit away until Granger had prepared dessert.

But Harry found him, sitting down next to him.

P: “I think she calmed. She only pretends a little longer so you would think twice before ever risking her fury again.”

Severus let out a dry chuckle, thinking about the evening so far. 

True, Granger has been giving them hell, and Weasley didn’t even attempt to hide how repulsed he was by it all, but Harry was different.

Severus could manage pleasant conversations with him, ones that didn’t seem forced. If anything, the playful-sarcastic manner Harry approached him was both compelling and challenging.

Or maybe that was just an illusion. Any relationship required some sort of trust, but Slytherins didn’t have that, they had power-plays, and hierarchy instead.

But if Harry said he was in love with Severus (even if it wasn’t true, but Harry thought it was), it eliminated the trust that otherwise would have been required. 

So maybe Severus was affected by how easily he could get Harry. His mind tricked him into thinking it was attraction when it could have been just a mere opportunity. 

Severus’s pride swelling because he could just reach out for the Savior of the wizarding world and not be refused.

However, as he wanted to get back to the awkwardness, rather than bear Potter’s company alone for even a minute more, Harry kissed him again. This time, it was more gentle then urgent, and he was let go soon.

P: “Since we had to listen to Hermione scolding us about our relationship for so long, I figured we should do something at least to deserve it. But we should head back before they think you’re shagging me against the wall or something.”

And he was smiling at Severus as if he knew what effect his words had on the other wizard’s mind.

That was when Severus considered. Maybe he should shag Potter.

Maybe Harry was the type who couldn’t let himself be emotionally vulnerable enough for a relationship, but to hide that even from himself, went after wizards who he thought were unattainable.

But the sooner Severus would give in then, the sooner Harry, in turn, would have to either back out on his propositions or sleep with Severus only find another excuse why they couldn’t be together.

He could almost hear Potter’s voice, telling his friends: _“I got bored.”_ or _“We weren’t compatible.”_ or _“It happened because he was the closest link to my parents, but that’s not healthy."_

And Severus, in return, maybe could have a chance to enjoy a night with Harry, which seemed more and more appealing by the minute.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Angst warning ahead. Thanks everyone for reading! XOXO

The most annoying thing about fucking Harry Potter was how Severus wanted to do it again.

After the unfortunate kiss Granger witnessed, and their kiss in the staircase, Severus made sure to ignore Potter in every possible way.

However, Potter didn’t get that memo, because he was doing quite the opposite, making the Severus’s efforts futile and all the more strenuous as time passed.

It was no surprise, after two months, Severus’s tight control slipped.

He could have made excuses for why. 

He was having a horrid migraine episode that day, barely functioning through the pain. Even Potter noticed, and not only ordered some dinner for both of them but took Severus home after.

Only to make sure he was okay, Harry said, but the kiss he attacked Severus with once in his home told a completely different story.

The second time Severus was more alert to Harry’s tricks, and more resolute it should never happen again, his initial curiosity now satisfied.

But it wasn’t his curiosity then. It was the memory and a pull that got only stronger as Severus wanted to fight it.

The third time came soon after: once it was a repetitive thing, it was hard to say how much was too much, and why should he stop after two and maybe not three.

All the while Harry had begun to place himself in Severus’s life piece by piece, being everywhere.

One time he had dinner with Sev before sex, another he stayed for some escapades in the bathroom. 

One time he said he was too tired to leave and asked to stay for a night. 

Another he pretended to fall asleep as soon as they were finished and made breakfast so Severus couldn’t get rid of him until they also finished eating.

Then, slowly but surely, Harry combined all these activities and basically moved in.

Severus wouldn’t have allowed this to happen if it wasn’t executed so flawlessly. As if Harry knew exactly how he felt and worked around it.

He had to be stopped. However, every time Severus strengthened his resolve to break up with him - even though they never really dated in the first place - Harry just distracted him.

It usually followed a similar pattern like this.

S: “I think we should talk. How long do you think we can keep this up?”

P: “How long, indeed. We should try to have a marathon.”

S: “I wasn’t joking.”

P: “Severus, _Severus._ I wasn’t either.”

And usually, by then, he was on top of Severus, settling on his lap with a kiss and moving his hips very suggestively.

There was a common cliche that any relationship needed two people to work, but it didn’t seem to be true with the famous Harry Potter.

If he set his eyes on someone and was determined, he could tackle the issue with energy that rivaled two people’s, or at least succeed without any encouragement from Severus’s side, it seemed.

And sex was nothing compared to how Severus found himself getting to know Harry.

He knew all of Harry’s favorite places to get food and all his orders. When he was smiling only to be polite or when he was genuinely entertained. 

How keeping everything around him way too tidy and organized was a habit Petunia forced on him, so he mostly adhered to it, but sometimes when he noticed he was acting accordingly, he’d rebel and carelessly toss a sock on the middle of the floor or something, until he could forget about it, and pick it up later all the same.

And, no matter how Severus didn’t think the familiarity only went one way, Harry could predict his moods, guess his line of thinking, and tell apart his facial expressions in most cases - a feat not even the Dark Lord could manage.

What Severus didn’t expect with sex, possibly, was how powerless he’d feel once he couldn’t get out of it.

And how it was - thanks to Potter engineering dates for them in a clever manner - leading them to also have intimacy.

He could have forced them apart and could have tried harder to end it, or at least not go to visit Granger and Weasley again only a couple of months later, for instance, when he supposed Harry was taking him to officially present them as a couple.

Or Merlin forbid at least skip the whole meeting the family thing when he was taken by the Wizard Who Lived to the Weasley nest next, but no.

Or attend to the next Ministry gala alone, not letting Harry parade him around. What was he thinking? He wasn’t even attending any galas before at all, living in the midst of Muggles, and that was okay. Safe. Reasonable.

Which seemed to fly out for him on the window whenever Potter wanted him to do something.

Until, one day Severus woke up already left behind alone in his bed, and the next he saw Harry, the other wizard wasn’t smiling as usual whenever he saw Severus.

S: “You missed breakfast.”

Harry just frowned, and stopped him from taking the Veritaserum, asking.

P: “If I told you we have to break up, would it be an issue for you?”

S: “No, I don’t think so.”

Severus was taken aback because he was trying to break up with Potter for quite some time now, but couldn’t - albeit less and less lately, but still. So why would he suggest it now?

P: “Great, then this is me breaking up with you. We should carry on with the research, but otherwise, I do not want to see you anymore.”

Severus opened his mouth to say something, but couldn’t. 

He knew there were no fairy tales out there, of course. On some level, he always thought Potter had to be pretending to like him so much as some kind of a setup, or even if not, he’ll grow tired of it, he remembered.

But, just when those thoughts were somewhat quieted, just when he didn’t expect it to happen so suddenly, he was dropped without as much as an explanation.

S: “Can I ask why?”

P: “It’s not my goal to hurt you by being cruel and making a nasty list of your behavior and habits, Severus. I just don’t want to date you anymore.”

Severus supposed he tried and could imagine all the worst possible things that could be said about him without Harry to spell it out, of course.

And this was what he wanted. Only, when he truthfully told Harry he’ll be fine, he didn’t think how much he, Severus Snape changed. Once his privacy and safety were the most important thing, but now it wasn’t so.

And he would have to have been in the world’s worse denial to not know that his mind was reeling on how he could get Potter back because he wanted him back. So he tried again the next day.

S: “I’m sorry, I was mistaken before. Maybe I’m not as good accepting this breakup as I previously indicated. I do care about you.”

It was the closest to a confession Severus ever told anyone, but he didn’t have much choice. And for once, he didn’t want to lie either.

P: “I don’t have time for this.”

S: “It can’t be further from me to beg, or to keep you from another relationship if you have someone else. But could you at least provide me with a reason as to why you want to leave me? We might even be able to fix it…”

He was oscillating thinking it was for the best anyway, and the resolution no matter how he shouldn’t let this happen.

P: “There is no one else, but I had enough, okay? There is nothing to salvage because we didn’t even have a relationship. It was me, and you were just… hiding someplace, somewhere else. Don’t get me wrong, sex was good, and to quote Hermione, I have hero-complex. Tend to think if I can fix broken people it means maybe there is also a chance that someday I can fix myself. But I’d rather just help you with the potion now, and part ways in a civil manner otherwise if you don’t mind.”

Severus hated every word of those sentences, and how true they felt even to his ears.

S: “I’m sorry.”

P: “I didn’t ask for an apology, you just asked me for some insight.”

S: “That is correct. But I still feel like I should apologize to you.”

Hindsight proved Severus was right to be suspicious of the quality of their relationship, but ironically that was what also caused their downfall, in a way.

P: “Do not. Just take care of yourself, Severus, I’m guessing our potion is almost ready. And who knows, maybe we can be friends someday again.”

Severus only turned, because without his Occlumency, even nodding to that sentiment would have been impossible for him. 

He’d never unsee Harry behind the “Potter” curtain, the “Savior” label, and the general goofy guy he only pretended to be with his friends sometimes if his intellect thought he could succeed with it better than giving his reasons.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What is Harry hiding? - Severus would be the first in line who would like to know... What do you guys think?
> 
> Thank you all for being so nice and leaving me notes after reading! XOXO

Safe to say, one thing Severus never had to try was to woo someone.

So maybe it was no wonder when he was miserable trying, he almost expected it. But what he failed to calculate into his “evil” plans of getting Harry back was how much he sucked in it.

First, he couldn’t let the potion to be completed quickly. That would have only meant Harry could have got rid of him that much faster. So he had to destroy some samples and make mistakes.

Easier said than done. A wizard who kept an attentive eye on any cauldron in the room he was in his whole life, just letting something burn?

Three different times he tried to sabotage his work in a non-serious way and automatically corrected the mistakes out by accident. It was a second instinct for him, after teaching Potions.

Tried to blow a cauldron up, and left the room to succeed, but then Harry put out the fire before it could happen, and gave Severus a sorry look when he returned.

Which could have meant many things, communicating without words:

“I know you’re only trying to get my attention with this, otherwise you wouldn’t make such a simple mistake.” or: “I know you’re sick and old, and maybe even disconcerted a bit, but not so much that this kind of sloppiness would be justifiable. Not even a first-year would leave a cauldron burning away like this.”

Or something of a similar sort, but none of them were exactly flattering or provoking Harry to try to get back with him, so Severus had to give up on his first sinister attempt and try another.

Weasley wouldn’t talk to him, and Granger didn’t turn out to be the greatest help either.

G: “I asked every possible question under the stars but Harry only told me to stay out of it. Possibly a thousand times, so I trust his decision, whatever happened, although he wouldn’t tell us that either.”

Severus wanted to call her out on the bullshit because let’s face it, she never really wanted Harry to date him in the first place. So her way of “staying out of it” may have been just a masked, joyous acceptance, but what good would it have done to agitate the friends of Harry Potter?

So Severus tried some mild ideas he had left still. 

He went to Diagon Alley, and purchased several new clothing items for himself, getting a haircut, and washing his hair every day just to be safe = trying to care for his appearance more than probably ever before.

Tried to be more friendly in the everyday conversations in the Ministry, and project an approachable, not hostile demeanor.

Harry didn’t even seem to notice.

Visited Hogwarts to help out and talk with McGonagall, Hagrid, and even Slughorn, because he guessed one of them would at least mention it to Harry. 

Except even if they did, the Wizard Who Lived must have thought it did not concern him in any way.

Next, Severus agreed to a Prophet interview they’ve been trying to get him to since _years_ , but only if both he and Harry were present, saying he wanted to publicize the anti-venom potion that was their work, but mostly Harry’s.

Thinking if they were forced together in a different setting he might be able to converse with Harry before and after, but with no such luck.

Severus considered begging the Weasleys to adopt him next, just so he could use that, but instead, then, he got to cooking and restaurants. 

Harry seemed to be more of a foodie than Sev ever was, so there was a chance they’d bump into each other in Harry’s favorite places. And Severus also packed more than enough lunch for himself every single day.

Hoping if it was tantalizing enough maybe Potter would comment on it and he could share.

However, as all these approaches, the setup or their execution required a lot of energy and produced no results.

Maybe Severus's indirect methods were to blame, the cunning Slytherin way not yielding anything, because they started way off from what he tried to accomplish.

He had two choices. Try to be direct, as a Gryffindor would, or go straight for the kill as a Slytherin - not always using strictly pure methods to accomplish his goals.

He chose the second.

The next day he sacrificed his choice of freedom to omit (the three drops of Veritaserum he was permitted every morning by the Ministry) and even managed to snatch the potion into Harry’s tea when he wasn’t looking.

Thinking at least this way they could have a plain field for an honest conversation. If Harry all the sudden hated him, he wouldn’t push the issue, but he needed to know.

Except, something didn’t go as planned.

S: “So, tell me. What exactly have you told Granger about our breakup? Will she try to murder me in my sleep soon?”

He supposed he knew the answer so he tried to establish a baseline with it for further questions. Making sure the serum worked.

P: “I told her a long story how I broke up with you, it wasn’t your fault and how it was me who forced you into it in the first place, but then realized it was a mistake. Even got a long speech about my behavior. So believe me, you have nothing to fear.”

S: “Is that so?” 

Severus knew if Harry was lying it would make sense to tell the exact opposite of truth (telling Hermione everything versus nothing), and some people could avoid the serum’s effect, but he had seen before how Harry wasn’t one of them.

So how could he lie? Was it Hermione who was lying? Except, that was out of character to her.

P: “Yes, why do you ask?”

Unfortunately, Severus had to tell the raven-haired wizard the truth, but it didn't matter with the serum already affecting Harry.

S: “I might have dosed you with some of my allowance of Veritaserum because I think something else has happened before our break up you aren’t telling me. Do you really want it to end? Or was it because someone else said something unpleasant? Is there truly no way for me to get you back?”

P: “How dare you! And you ask? I do want it to end, yes! No one told me anything, and you can’t get me back. Couldn’t have gotten me back before all this, but now… Now that I have to watch my back around you for whenever you poison me next, even the last thread of attraction that I felt for you is gone. You—“

S: “I’d never poison you, and you know this. And I’ve always told you right from the start that I was a horrible person, but it was you who never believed me, until magically just one day that changed, and I just wanted to know what.”

Harry stared at him for a moment cursing him just with gaze, probably, before shrugging.

P: “Okay, you were right. There is someone else. And the last thing I want for him to meet you because you still think there is a chance for you to get me back. Do a favor to yourself, Severus, and grow up. Or should I say, don’t sink any lower?”

It was almost as if Harry had a knife, and his final words were the part where he just stabbed Severus, fatally, in only one blow. His life seemed to be over in a blink.

But was it true? Severus couldn't help but think Harry lied before telling him all this.

So, was it somehow a well-managed lie, and he should investigate it indeed further because "the case" just got all the more confusing?

Or, was he hung up on such a minor detail when it could have been easily Granger who lied to him because he did know how to accept the truth, even when Harry basically just spelled it out for him?


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Disclaimer: Severus is facing a fallout, but he deals.
> 
> I'll try to update soon (just as I did today) so you guys can read on and not worry about him so much (there is no need!).
> 
> Thank you all very much for reading! XOXO

Those fortunate who never met the abyss, and were compassionate enough to care, and not just point blame, probably imagined it as if someone jumped from a cliff.

There was falling deeper and deeper, surrounded by the darkness.

The gravity of the situation pulling you further down and down, while you’d feel completely powerless to stop it once it started. 

But it didn’t start with a jump into the abyss, more like the ground has been pulled out from under your feet.

And it didn’t end with a thud on the bottom of the imaginary pit either, because you could keep on falling for an endless time. 

And when you were falling that was all you knew. A lie that it will never end, which masqueraded as the truth you could feel deep inside your bones.

For Severus, it wasn’t an unknown phenomenon at all.

Some of the worst times, only one thing kept him from staying in the circle of falling forever.

He could trust it will end, even if it didn’t feel like he could because - he had defeated it many times before. 

Since it wasn’t a feeling, but cold reasoning behind the sentiment, the abyss couldn’t just envelope or rot it as it did with everything else.

But since it wasn’t a feeling, it didn’t make him feel any better either. It was just a reassurance that was barely enough for him to hang on.

But he also had another trick, he figured out along the way.

If he felt the numbing emptiness knocking, there was still time, and he could choose to run away. If he was too busy to think, he was too busy to have thoughts that one day might - potentially - destroy him.

Only, he couldn’t always use this technique, because if he was really down, and then exhausted himself - in Severus’s case brewing day and night was the "drug" he turned to - it could have harmed him worse.

If he depleted all his energies, and the depression hit him the same, he’d earn a harsher and longer punishment in his own personal hell, with no reserves left to get out. That also happened before.

But, after the talk with Harry when Severus got home, and he felt both nauseous and weak, the filter changed. His field of vision shrunk, and the colors turned to drab and ash around him, while he felt strangely alert yet unseeing at the same time.

The first warning of what was to come. And he knew he couldn’t possibly face another break now, so he took a chance and only pushed himself to not slow down, but run faster still.

He established a schedule. Took great care of his appearance telling himself as long as he had the energy to make himself pleasantly presentable, he couldn’t be that far gone just yet.

He kept up with the cooking, worked in the Ministry 12-15 hours a day, and started reading about the latest Potion researches again. Sometimes even read Muggle books when he couldn’t sleep but was too tired to learn in the middle of the night.

Went to visit people he had not seen for a long time but wished he did.

Weekends were worse, but even those times he somehow managed. And that gave him some strength because it displayed strength. 

He kept moving, even if sometimes it was just by doing senseless tasks like buying groceries or cleaning his house without magic until he actually felt like he could do something or more sense again.

Even if the floor every day next to his bed seemed like another dimension away, tempting him to not get up the whole day, maybe to never get up again, he _did_ get up.

Why? Even before Harry had barged on his life, he had spent 9 years often not getting up. And he didn’t want to head back in that black hole.

Aging twice as fast, learning nothing new. Too busy being tucked away in a pocket galaxy of unchanging pain to even notice there was a world of people around him.

That said, he also tried to save his strength, afraid it could run out if he made even a single wrong move during this cruel balancing act.

Which meant he didn’t go after Harry and demanded a better explanation. Didn’t ask Granger why would she lie, and maybe unintentionally, but slowly he began to pretend he and Harry never dated, and the further in time he got, the better he almost believed the pretense himself.

Harry must have submitted a request to get Severus’s properties and wealth back to him before their breakup - even if it didn’t amount to much, - because he did receive his vault key from the Goblins, and the Muggle papers for Spinner’s End now.

This meant Severus could reestablish a lab, and start his own projects, even if his physical condition still wasn't good, and he needed breaks much more often than before the war.

And he was making progress in a lot of areas he wanted to research but didn’t have time before, teaching at Hogwarts, worrying, spying. 

Frankly, it would have been almost surprising if he didn’t discover anything new, given how much time he spent brewing, but success was welcomed nonetheless.

Then the potion to cure him got ready as well. The tests they conducted seemed promising and even Harry politely spared a question on him asking what will he do once he’d get back to his old self, which, in turn, Severus politely ignored.

It was another good thing if it worked. Something to celebrate, when there were so few of those moments, Severus knew he should value every opportunity for it.

And it did succeed! He felt the difference immediately as he drank it. His clouded mind once again became collected, sharp and focused, and his concentration without the migraines resulted in mountains and mountains of new ideas.

Just as he got home after taking the potion, he got 3 missing steps of his research projects figured out, and meticulously planned their execution in a matter of mere hours (he could also write faster without his hand shaking), waiting only for the next day so he could owl for the ingredients he didn't have yet.

He could once again brew 5 or 6 complicated potions in sync without any effort and still think about what to have for dinner, and physically?

He felt like he could run marathons, expect he was content enough with being pain-free, and carry a wand again doing magic, even his non-verbal back.

By an ironic twist by fate, Harry insisting to help him with this potion might have just helped Severus just as much as Harry hurt him when he left him.

However, it wasn’t the break-up, nor the group of friends of Harry or Harry himself who ended up testing him even further.

It has been only a week of freedom since Severus took the cure when a Ministry worker named Derby appeared at his door and arrested him for war crimes.

Dragged Severus into an albeit dementor-less Azkaban, but got him a Death Eater cell-mate named Monger who was always one of the most devout followers of Voldemort.

Only, no matter how vehement of a servant he was, he was uneducated and unyieldingly unwilling to learn, never earning the trust of Voldemort, not really, hating Severus and other "intellectuals" like him always.

As only a simple person could despise a joke he knew he could never get, hating others who dared to laugh as if the joke was on him.

The guard tossed Severus and a washed-out, torn blanket to the cell, basically to the feet of Monger, and was about to leave when Severus got to his feet and asked.

Severus: “When can I talk to my legal representative? I need to—“ 

Guard: “Tomorrow. Visitation hours are already over for today.”

S: “When is my trial, then? Is it—“

G: “Shut up, or I’ll curse you mute.”

And with that, he left, while Monger welcomed Severus with a grin.

M: “Long time no see, huh, Severus? So I hear you were a spy… and living happily ever after in your dream world where Muggles are our best-ever pals, while most of us were locked up in these holes for almost 10 years… Who would have thought betrayal of your Lord would treat you so well! Look, even your hair is so soft and pretty now. Why did you misbehave to end up here then, anyway?“

They were in a cell that of course dampened magic to an almost non-existent level, and physically Severus was nothing compared to Monger.

He tried not to panic and thought of different ways to buy time, but any trick would only last so long.

The only person who could testify on the side of Severus and maybe also be heard was the only person Severus vowed to avoid for both of their sakes.

He also had doubts Harry would care, or read the owl if it was from him. 

However, Severus didn’t want to be incarcerated for the rest of his wizarding lifetime just when he just got back to himself. Even if the price for his freedom could be a potential calamity in itself.


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! 
> 
> Chapter 10 - in which Harry might be back? What in Merlin's name is he doing/trying to accomplish, I wonder? XD

Severus quite quickly realized that although Monger was deeply loyal to Voldemort, the only person he was more loyal was to himself.

Therefore, if Severus could just cater to something Monger needed, Severus might just have a chance to survive the week.

First he offered his food to Monger, only keeping his drinking water from the trays, but it wasn’t a solution he could keep up for long. And while Monger took his food, and mostly left Sev alone, he didn’t seem impressed.

On the third night, however, Severus woke up to Monger talking. Correction: talking and sobbing.

In another lifetime, Severus just would have turned in his scratchy bed, and pretend to not hear it. Maybe all the time he spent in Harry’s company rubbed off on him though because he only sat up.

Which made Monger fall dead silent immediately, but Severus knew better. 

Maybe Severus had these misconceptions of all the possible - horrid - things Monger wanted, but missed the most obvious.

Severus couldn’t have predicted how Monger on that night would keep talking to him for 6 hours, even after daybreak.

Going into it, Sev had this Slytherin reason for trying to save his skin by asking the first question. 

But after listening for a while, it was hard to miss how similar their situations were - no matter how they fought for different sides and with different goals in mind.

Rather than just listening, Severus found himself having a conversation. Since there was nothing else to do, it only took a couple of days for them to get so close Severus considered Monger his friend.

And when they were almost attacked by Lucius and his apparent bodyguard in the shower area one day - the only setup Severus walked in his entire stay there after it he was careful not to fall in a trap like that again - Monger even fought the muscle for Severus’s sake.

However, as more time passed and the guard would never let Severus contact the outside world in any format, he knew he couldn’t just stay forever and had to take care of it himself.

The trick wasn’t even a question of having magic.

It may not have been much, but the cells of Azkaban didn’t have a perfect seal on the dampening. Severus knew how to gather that tiny amount his mere existence produced day by day, by holding back.

After weeks, he had enough for even a corporeal Patronus. The problem was more of how to get the magic out.

The outer walls of Azkaban were the strongest, and they weren’t just dampening magic, but acted as shields if you wanted to send magic - a message - through them.

He had to waste some time finding a structural weakness in the building (a part that was compromised when Voldemort first busted out his followers and was only clumsily patched up). Then convince Monger to help.

M: “You’ll escape and I’ll never hear from you again.”

S: “I will only try to get legal help, and I’ll visit. Bring you some food that doesn’t taste like an elf without a sense of taste cooked it.”

M: “But that’s not the same. Even if it was true.”

But it was, and once Severus gave up, trying to find another way, Monger then decided to take pity on him and volunteer.

M: “Your cooking better be good, if that’s what you’re intending to bring once you’re free.”

So, after a long preparation Severus imagined he’ll send a Patronus (he was thinking whether to McGonagall or Granger or... Harry), and maybe one day he’ll at least get a visitor he can ask to help, or a trial date set, at least.

But barely half an hour passed, and Percy Weasley barged into his cell with the Head Guard, demanding - and getting - his immediate release.

Percy: “They had to let me free you because you were unlawfully kept. But they also arranged a trial for you by the afternoon quite hastily hoping to lock you up again, so we have no time to waste. I’ll have to Side-Apparate you if you don’t mind.”

Severus said his goodbyes to Monger, but if the trial didn’t work out, he knew he could be back soon.

Then, he was taken to 12 Grimmauld Place, where there was a chaotic, but entire operation set up. Everyone working on his case in one way or another, except.. Except for Harry, nowhere to be seen.

Severus tried to appreciate the hot shower he could take, the trial-worthy clothing Molly arranged for him, and the Minerva and Hermione going over with him some possible questions he might get, and how he should answer.

While Percy and Ron kept talking about possible legal strategies, and George appearing only later with a smile.

George: “I’m not good with any of this, but if you need a prison escape later, Prof, just say the words ‘I think Azkaban needs better toilets if I have to live there’, and it will be code for me to come and bust you out.”

Severus couldn’t help but feel more cheerful just by the one sentence, even if he wouldn’t actually say that in front of the Wizengamot, nor put George in jeopardy.

Percy: “I’ll call Harry in, and he’ll tell everyone where your loyalties were all along. However, there are some crimes they can still call you out on. So I think we should attack them first. Make a strong case of how they mistreated you.”

Hermione: “It’s risky. It might cost us valuable votes.”

Ron: “I disagree. Percy can make a point saying if the Ministry doesn’t have to follow their own rules, they can lock up anyone, anytime, for Merlin knows how long. Even Ministry workers don’t like to feel that could happen to them after what Voldemort did to them in the War.”

P: “Exactly. And I’ll also ask you to the stand, Severus, and you can tell them how you asked for an owl every day in and were denied. Not even a trial date was set until 11 o’clock today, and we can prove this.”

S: “But I don’t think that’s enough.”

Turned out, there was more.

P: “When Harry made an official reinstatement claim on your behalf to get your property back, the Ministry issued paperwork showing it was processed much prior than your arrest.”

S: “So?”

Minerva: “We suspect they waited until you and Harry could finish the potion you were working on, and also some more, making sure you recuperated.”

S: “Why?”

H: “If you went in and told the truth then, and you admittedly couldn’t lie, they wouldn’t be able to say you were lying. Not to mention, you’d look like a battered wizard who both Dumbledore and Voldemort took advantage of, coming out of the war irreparably damaged. You’d earn most of their sympathy.”

R: “But today, you might just be presented as a clever, sly wizard who would do and say anything not to go prison. If you are not willing to ask for an apology, you’ll be set up to look arrogant, but if you admit you made mistakes, they’ll announce you’re just trying to manipulate people tricking them into thinking you feel remorse.”

P: “It’s Harry’s job to convince them you’re a good wizard who has been working for our side all along. And it’s mine to make the point that our laws should not tolerate such machinations, and the people who arranged your capture - since it couldn’t be an official arrest with no records - should be punished, not you.”

It worked. It wasn’t easy, but Percy brilliantly pushed and pushed for some compensation for the time Severus had to spend in prison, which they didn’t get, but what still compelled some wizards and witches to side with them in the end, earning them a win.

Severus only left the chamber to take a couple of deep breaths after, not realizing he was holding it until he reached the corridor.

There he came face to face with Harry, thinking it was a coincidence. Harry testified to help him, but then left without a second glance at Severus’s direction.

However, Harry not only hurried after him but now was asking him.

Potter: “Can we talk?”

S: “Thank you for all your help in there, really, but... I have some months-old dishes in my kitchen to take care of, and an urgent project to bake a cake or cook something special for an inmate in Azkaban.”

P: “I can talk while you’re doing all this. Even help if you’d let me.”

S: “I fail to see what do we have to talk about. Or why you’d want to help.”

P: “I’m not affected by Veritaserum. Just as I can fight some compulsion spells like Imperius, I can lie even if I take the potion. Whatever I told you the last time we properly spoke was a lie. And I had my reasons.”

Severus had a notion once to think that was true, so he wasn’t that surprised.

S: “As I’m sure. But it only means you were pretending to accidentally confess you love me when you did right at the beginning...”

P: “Yes, but I thought it was the only way for you to trust me.”

S: “You might be right because now I definitely don’t. Have a good life, Mr. Potter.”

P: "It wasn't a lie though. And you could barely contact the outside world from prison, Severus, but you called me."

S: "I had no choice. And I thank you, but--"

P: "What I'm trying to tell you is that I didn't have any either. I'm begging you to hear me out. Please, Severus."


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another day, another chapter :) Thank you very much for all of you for reading! XOXO

Severus only turned to leave, so Harry added.

P: “If you don’t wish to ever see me again, I understand. But you should still know what was going on, for your safety. I’ll buy you something to eat, and promise not to keep you any longer than it’s absolutely necessary.”

S: “If it’s truly unavoidable, I’d like to go home now, and discuss it later.”

P: “Then let me accompany you, I’d like to install a couple of new wards for you anyway, and it can’t wait.”

It was the last thing Severus wanted. But the only thing worse than spending the night with Harry was going to a public restaurant to do it.

So he told Harry it better not take long, and after them neither spoke when the younger wizard put on wards around Severus’s home that were at least Soter Class 2, if not 1.

Severus felt so genuinely tired he didn’t even bother to worry himself how wards like that had to be approved by the Ministry first, and how Harry could theoretically use it to spy on him later.

He rather just ordered some food, and without any better thing to do, made some tea for both of them. Not expecting the worried look on Harry’s face next.

P: “Severus, are your symptoms back? Did anything else return you failed to mention to Percy and Hermione?”

S: “I’m completely healthy.”

P: “Your hand is shaking so bad you can’t even hold a tea-cup. How is your Occlumency? Any headaches? Light sensitivity, nausea? Trouble walking?”

Severus didn’t know what Harry was talking about until he looked down and saw his hands were indeed shaking.

S: “I don’t have any other symptoms, and it’s not what you’re thinking. It has been a close call on the verdict, and I… it has been a long day for me, that’s all.”

He couldn’t fall apart when he needed his wits about him in the courtroom, but now that he was safe, and back home, the stress was hitting him worse than before.

P: “I’m sorry, it’s all my fault.”

It couldn’t have been, but Severus wasn’t going to defend Harry from his own line of thinking either. 

He just went to change to something more comfortable, avoiding the mirror in the bathroom, returning to find Harry has finished the wards.

P: “I shouldn’t have asked you to join me for that Ministry Gala. You didn’t like it anyway, and just because I wanted to show you off, I put a target on your back.”

S: “Going to prison and trying to survive amidst all the Death Eaters wasn’t as new for me as you might think. At least it was nothing compared to when you just got rid of me.”

He could have lied. Hecate knows he would have done it in the past.

But he got so used to always telling the truth to Harry that it came out without much consideration.

And part of him wanted to point out to Potter that no apology would change the past.

P: “They told me to do it. Otherwise, I’d lose my job, the funding for our research before we could find you a cure, and what’s worst: they said they’d lock you up for life, or even get you a Kiss.”

S: “They?”

P: “It seems if the Golden Boy doesn’t behave as expected then is a concern for many people. My boss got orders to report back to the Ministry of Magic himself of every time I as much as blinked or took a breath. I suspect my lab has been spied on as well, and they put the Trace back on me.”

S: “That’s easy enough to disarm.”

P: “But I thought if I gave up on you, and they could easily verify it with the Trace and everything, they wouldn’t go after you legally or otherwise.”

S: “How gallant of you.”

P: “I didn’t say it was. But that’s why I had to send Percy to get you, and couldn't be present before the trial either. Also, now that you were pronounced free, they can’t trial you for the same crimes again, but I fear they wouldn’t just stop, so I had to warn you.”

S: “Even if you coming here just gave them more ammunition then?”

P: “Would you have believed me in any other way? And as lame as it sounds, I still love you. And on the technical side, only I have the authorization to install these wards _anywhere_ since I'm the famous Harry Potter with special privileges.”

Hearing Harry's confession, all the nights when Severus wished there was any way for him to get Harry back came rushing back. Now it seemed he could have it, pressing Harry to the closest sturdy surface, claim him without words, and never let him go again.

But his emotions told him he couldn’t handle another Potterbreak, so he said nothing, just gave Harry an irritated look, which made Harry shut up as well.

S: “Are we done then?”

P: “Almost. When I told Percy about the Ministry threats, he managed to get his hands on an old magical relic that analizes threats. We’ve been using it for a while now, and most of the time it's reliable. Point is, it also indicated that it’s not just the Ministry. I have received a death threat saying they’ll kill me and you both, and the device showed the writer meant to act on her words when it was written.”

S: “Her?”

P: “Romilda Vain. Ron tried to track her down and talk to her, but at the moment, she’s missing. I know you’re always careful, but…”

S: “Great.”

P: “That’s all. And I probably know how you feel about this, but if you ever want to talk, or have a tea, or just want to have a good time, you can come to find me.”

What was especially annoying is how Harry was the one who instead of telling Severus what was going on decided he just rather end it.

Smiling at Severus with a sad smile as he turned to leave yet again.

S: “Let me just say. I went to prison because I did commit crimes. I accepted the breakup because you’re you and I’m just me. But saying it was for my own good, and it will be for my own good is more humiliating than if you just told me the truth.”

P: “Now that you’re legally safe, I wouldn’t care even if you’d use me just for sex.”

It was infuriating. If at least Harry owned up to what he did, but no. He’d act as if he was a martyr. Even giving up on his undying love for a Potions Master if it made him a hero.

Severus knew his anger wasn’t coming from this small technicality, but this minor detail unhinged all the disappointment he didn’t face in the last months.

He was now shaking not because of fatigue and nerves or stress as before, but because how Harry Potter could still piss him off so much.

S: “Well then, unlike you, I don’t care about appearances to pretend I want a relationship when I don't. So I guess I can postpone taking a nap if you drop to your knees right now and make me feel good. Right after which I also plan to ‘use you only for sex' in bed, just so you know.”

P: “You’re probably dead tired and famished, if not suffering from severe PTSD.”

Severus chuckled. No, he didn’t think so, and the other wizard just proved him right. 

However, that might have provoked the Hero of the Wizarding World, because next, he was on the floor before Severus, and even stayed after, when Sev not so kindly nor gently took him to bed after, as promised.

Then, he sent Harry away without even letting him take a shower, and closed the door on the other wizard on the way out before he could respond after telling him:

S: “Now, I don’t want to ever see you again.”

It was set up to humiliate Potter just as much as Severus felt so humiliated by him.

But as Harry was gone, and Severus was still holding the door, he didn’t feel any better after his revenge on the younger wizard. If anything, it was the opposite.

Now that he was free to feel, because he did have the luxury of time to slow down a little because his life (or dignity) wasn’t in immediate fatal danger, or anyone around to see, he was sinking fast.

As a Potions Master, he was aware: when you bottle up your emotions, it was only a matter of time before the pressure builds and they explode on you.

It seemed his time just simply ran out now, as he lay on his familiar but also foreign and way too soft bed, without any faint noise coming from the angry ocean waves, and not even a goodnight to Monger who’d then would snore away loudly, but in a steady, comforting rhythm.


	12. Chapter 12

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for reading! With updates every day, we're moving relatively fast. I hope you'll all like this chapter as well! XOXO

Severus: “If you keep this up, I’ll leave.”

Severus guessed and Monger indicated that they closely monitored, but that didn’t stop them from having good laughs.

Until Monger ruined it.

Monger: “Not only did you bring me food, but you also brought cake? That’s too sweet of you, and we both know it. What horrible, horrible act you’ve committed to feel so guilty you’d bake me pastries, Sev? Ran over Santa on your way out?”

Reference to Santa was an inside joke after Monger saw Severus’s Patronus, and started to talk about deers, raindeers, Severus and "Nicholas".

S: “I haven’t done anything.”

M: “That’s a pity… You know we sometimes get to read the Prophet if Eddie doesn’t eat it first. And you were on the front page, with Harry Potter who the text claims dropped everything to save you as soon as he heard you were in trouble. What better publicity do you need to get laid? Doing nothing with an opportunity like this is a crime if you ask me, and I’m the one locked up, how does that make any sense?”

Monger knew about Harry, even if Sev never admitted directly it was Harry he told Monger about, he kind of figured it out.

The way he told Severus to get laid was actually telling him he should use this opportunity to have sex with Harry, without it being obvious for the guards listening in.

S: “Not that's any of your business, but I might have done something.”

M: “You did? But it couldn’t have been that good if you’re here visiting me with not only food but even fucking pastry, eh? How long does it take to bake a cake like this? Half an hour?”

S: “With all the preparations, more like one.”

M: “Which means you had to get up early and alone, and your best possible activity was to visit an inmate? Correct me if I’m wrong, but the busty vixen you must have had must have slipped out from your bed during the night. And you let her go.”

S: “Just eat your cake, Monger.”

M: “I’m just saying. You should be having all the sex on both of our behalfs now.”

They argued, when before they never really did. Severus desperately wanted to change the topic, but Monger wouldn't let him, until a guard came and interrupted them, telling Severus.

Guard: “We just got an owl. It only stated Miss Hermione Granger was trying to reach you. It was marked as a top priority message, saying there is an emergency.”

M: “You barely got out, Sevvie, and you’re already an important man. Maybe you’re doing something right, at least.”

S: “I’m afraid I’ll have to humiliate you the next time for that nickname, Mong, but now I should go.”

Severus wasn’t sure if Granger wanted to murder him because she heard or somehow sensed what he did with Harry, but the minute Severus left the dampening area of Azkaban, her Patronus could find him.

G: “Harry is gone. I wouldn’t ask, but—“

S: “Tell me Ron is already working on it and I can join him.”

G: “We’re at number 12 with everyone.”

S: “I’ll be there in 5 minutes.”

He hurried to the Apparition Point of Azkaban, so he was there in 2.

Grateful, that Ron as an Auror was competent, and that in minimal time they not only got Harry’s location but busted in and won Vane’s wand before Severus could get to Harry and check him for injuries.

S: “What did she do to you?”

P: “Nothing. I was only having a conversation with her, slowly convincing her to let me go. You shouldn't have come.”

Severus didn’t care about Romilda Vane when Harry told him because he didn’t fear for his own safety.

But the minute he heard Harry was taken and thought he might not get out of this one as lucky as he usually tended to get out of imminent danger unharmed, he panicked.

P: “Are you angry with me? You’re shaking. It’s not like I let her take me on purpose! And I was working on a way out, you know.“

Harry was thinking Severus was furious with him as per usual, but he couldn’t have been further from the truth.

S: “You aren’t allowed to get hurt without my permission, you hear me?”

That made Harry stare at him questioningly.

P: “I’m fine, but are _you_ good?”

Severus grew a bit irritated.

S: “Yes. I’m not that old that this question would be warranted given the situation though.”

P: “You aren’t, I was referring to the paradox of how you expect me to get your permission to be kidnapped, but just yesterday you told me to get lost and never come back. It eerily sounded like you wouldn't mind if I disappeared, now that I think of it.”

S: “I was angry. I think I still am.”

P: “Then you can leave. I’m sure Ron and the Aurors can help me if I need something.”

Severus could have kissed Harry to show how he didn’t want to leave.

It was the first time that Harry was in danger, and his first line of thought wasn’t that how he owed it to James and Lily to keep him safe. Or feel irritation that he had to help, far from it.

But still, he didn’t know how Harry would have perceived a kiss now and in front of some many, so he instead just hugged him tightly.

P: “Stop it, it’s not—“

S: “If you are allowed to kiss me anytime you want, the least I can get is a goddamn hug.”

Then Harry not only let Severus hold him but weakly hugged him back. It could have last a bit longer if the worried other Gryffs wouldn’t have interrupted them.

Granger: “Are you okay, Harry?”

P: “Yes, but I think Severus might be in a little bit of a shock.”

Weasley: “Aren’t we all. But by the looks of it, you’re both going to be just fine, I’d say.”

Severus had to suffer through all the questions the Aurors had, and the medical checkup to make sure Harry was indeed unhurt before he could Apparate Harry to the apartment he shared with his best friends.

S: “You should lie down, I’ll make some food.”

P: “I’m completely fine, I’d rather just take a shower and get back to work.”

S: “Not today.”

P: “Severus, as hard as it is for me to say this, you have no right to tell me what to do. And I didn’t want to say in front of the others, but when I thought Romilda would hurt me, I was considering that you were right. We bring out the worst in each other, we shouldn’t be dating.”

S: “I hurt you, and I’m sorry. But—“

P: “You know, it hasn’t been easy for me either. You can only hear the person you love wants to break up with you so many times before you begin to have your doubts. And I know your history, so I tried and tried, but I’m also messed up, just in a different way, and when I’m with you, our troubles only seem to multiply.”

S: “How is it that every time I decide to really try with you, you just take a step back?”

Harry just smiled a sad smile.

P: “Maybe out timing is inherently wrong. Or we’re too similar. It doesn’t mean that I don’t love you still, but-“

S: “Funny, because me thinking that Vane might have hurt you badly made me realize possibly the complete opposite. If you died, and I could never see you again… or just the last phrase would have been me telling you to never contact me again—“

P: “And you seem like you meant it too.”

S: “I don’t know how what would have done. And usually, I hate that I have to go rescue stupid children often from the trouble they sought out for themselves, but this time I could barely get to you fast enough. I wanted to be the one who found you, to—“

Harry leaned in a kissed him gently, but it was more a pity kiss on the lips than anything else.

P: “You’re right, maybe I shouldn’t go to work today, but I can’t just pretend nothing happened between us either. I think you are telling me everything I want to hear now, but we should go on a break until we figure out what we really want.”

There he was, Harry Potter, breaking up with him again. Without truly ever dating him. Again.

P: “Severus, look at me, I mean it. I haven’t decided anything yet, but a lot had happened. And I need to have some self-respect and only date you again if it’s not just a bad decision in a spur of a moment because you thought I was dead.”

S: “I get it.”

Still, it was difficult to accept that he should just trust Weasley and Granger to take care of Harry after what just happened, he thought when he turned to leave.

P: “Maybe… if you don’t have anything urgent to do, you could stay and we could watch some Muggle telly and make popcorn - but only as friends.”

S: “You sure that's a good idea?”

P: “Why, am I so irresistible that you can’t keep it in your pants for a couple of hours?”

It took Harry 10 minutes to fall asleep on Severus’s shoulders, watching an episode of ER, the popcorn still in his lap.


	13. Chapter 13

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I missed out on a couple of days writing, but I'm back!
> 
> Slytherins can cunningly arrange complications in other people's lives sometimes, can't they? ;)

After getting Harry back, Severus stayed for the night.

Sleeping next to but not _with_ Harry, until he woke up suddenly very hungry in the middle of the night.

He only went to grab a glass of milk or some juice, wondering about Harry, unsure if he was truly was well as he said or he was just a break about to happen.

He didn’t count on how he only wore underwear to grab the said drink, and that Hermione would be still up working furiously on something at 2 am.

Fair to say, Severus was conscious about his bony, underweight frame, but had also some dignity to pretend that wasn’t true since he was already noticed by Granger anyway.

Snape: “Five points from Gryffindor, Miss Granger. You’re breaking any sensible curfew now if I’m not mistaken.”

This could have gone very bad fast if she didn’t appreciate Severus joking about his old miserable self in a way he sometimes did with Harry.

But she smiled, just like the other Gryffindor.

And, Severus reached the counters to grab a cup feeling less uncomfortable than if he had to do the same without muttering a word.

Granger: “Today is Sunday, so I can sleep in later, but I’d rather just finish what I’ve started.”

He thought they were done, and he had what he’d come for, her voice stopped him.

G: “You know, Harry told us nothing about your breakup, but I was pissed, thinking it was your fault.”

S: “Remind me to stay in Harry’s room if I ever visit him again for the night.”

She shook her head.

G: “No, no, what I mean to say I was wrong about you. Guess I should join the club.”

S: “I don’t think you know, but he broke up with me again just hours ago.”

G: “But you’re here when he needs you, which is proof. Even Ron told me you must love him very much, and he has an emotional depth of a potato, so it must be pretty obvious.”

S: “Well, I’d better go, it’s getting chilly.”

And when he thought he was done with the uncomfortable discussion, only then did almost ran into Harry.

When Harry saw Severus holding the orange juice only in his underwear, rushing to escape Hermione as if he was trying to avoid the plague, he burst out laughing.

H: “You can be so cute.”

S: “Why are you up, anyway?”

H: “Had a nightmare, and noticed you were gone. ‘Getting chilly?’"

S: “I was talking about the temperature, not her tone.”

H: “I deduced that, actually.”

But he kept laughing. And it should have annoyed Severus, but when he also gave the Wizard Who Lived a small smile, Harry kissed him.

And surprisingly, it was Hermione who suggested it’s no problem if Severus stayed over for the weekend, and Harry had no objections.

Only, he wouldn’t have signed up for the weekend if he knew how furious he’ll be.

When he knew Draco Malfoy as a child, he was the sweetest kid he'd met. Then, by the time Draco attended Hogwarts, he got under the influence of his father more and more, but Severus could also always remember who he used to be and thought he was horrible to Harry because it was how Lucius taught him.

However, when Draco showed up unannounced and reported to Harry about all the Potion ingredients he managed to trade traveling from one country to another, Severus saw it quite differently.

Draco was positively giving Harry shit for all those years because he had a crush on him.

It was unclear whether Harry noticed it or not, but it seemingly didn’t help to calm the blond wizard feelings that Harry saved him from Azkaban, and they acted as if they were friends now.

Malfoy: “You know, I told them I’m buying this ingredient for the famous Harry Potter, and the next thing I knew, one of them also wanted to send you pictures of their daughter, and ask whether or not you’d be interested to meet and maybe court her later.”

P: “And what did you say?’

M: “I’ve told them you don’t like girls to be so much younger than you. That’s when I got introduced to their older daughter.”

S: “You should have told them how much your real estate was worth compared to Harry’s.”

It was unlike Severus to jab at Draco or any of his Slytherin students really, but it was also annoying how hard he made Harry laugh.

M: “I’m afraid I would marry Harry before any of their daughters. Even if it could be difficult legally since I only got to leave prison if I report to him every month like the Muggles have this system-“

P: “It may have started that way, but I’d like to think we have more of a coworkers type of relationship now. I get the best supplies from Draco, actually, Severus, and he is really resourceful.”

Sev hated to hear the word “relationship” referring to Draco in any context coming from Harry. And “resourceful” didn’t help his case.

Just a few months ago, if he knew about Draco crushing on Harry, he would have given his blessing on them, pulling out of the picture if he needed to with relief.

Going home if it was the weekend and Draco showed up to tell jokes, bring presents and generally try to get on the good graces of Harry.

But, if (or knowing him, when) Harry got kidnapped or potentially hurt again, would Draco Malfoy suffice as a boyfriend taking care of him well? Severus didn't think so. He'd, on the other hand, would do anything to protect the raven-haired wizard.

S: “The worms you bought could be a little smaller though. They are sometimes overfed if you pay for their weight, but lose some efficiency.”

D: “Indeed, Professor, that was the first thing I told the owner and got a discount, but Harry has a research where he wanted them to be fairly large.”

P: “I want a milder effect because it’s a potion for children.”

And the discussion that followed regarding Harry’s new projects was fairly interesting, yet how Draco was also a part of it wasn’t in the slightest as amusing.

Not to mention, the young Malfoy seemed to notice the source of Severus’s discomfort and acted just the more familiar with Harry.

Making him laugh while touching him more than it was appropriate, entertaining him with a certain kind of snobbish Malfoy humor, and even telling stories which showcased how people all around the world fawned over Draco’s looks and wit, while he was totally unaffected by any of their praises.

S: “Well, you’ve certainly grown since I got you your first Cauldron, and you thought it was just a different kind of a toilet at first.”

D: “I don’t remember that. It must have been a long time ago.”

Coming after Severus’s age in a swift defensive move, without coming out and actually saying it. Oh, it was war now.

S: “Speaking of memories… do you visit your father often? How is he?”

D: “Sometimes, but I’d rather not bore you with the details. I also heard you were locked up but let go. Is it because you’re dating Harry?”

P: “Technically speaking, we aren’t dating at this moment.”

D: “Well then, we’re just three friends for today having fun together, while you must tell me all about how this _technically_ works, because if it doesn’t, I’m single, Harry.”

S: “It only means I respect Harry’s wishes, and we’ve been through a lot lately, but I won’t ever hand him over to you, no matter if _technically_ I’m not allowed to complain.”

P: “Severus! Draco was just joking.”

S: “Maybe I was also.”

But for good measure, he planted a kiss on Harry’s cheek, and was thinking just as Lucius could never earn Voldemort’s respect with his pampered attitude and lack of talents, Draco was a hundred years early to really pose a threat.

However, they barely got through lunch (Draco sucking up to Hermione, and then challenging Weasley talking about Quidditch, then seamlessly asking for Harry’s opinion on the matter), and Severus barely could start to annihilate the young Malfoy when Harry pulled him aside.

P: “Look, this jealousy act doesn’t suit you, Sev. And even if he was interested in me which he isn’t, I wasn't interested in him for a long time now. And I don’t wish to say it, but even if I was flirting with someone else, you shouldn’t treat them the way you just did Draco. You're making not only him but also Hermione and Ron uncomfortable. And me.”

Did Harry want to date others? But then why kiss Severus so affectionately in the morning?

Being called out on your behavior was - no matter the circumstances - not very Slytherin-worthy, however. If you wanted to undermine a person, you shouldn’t be obvious about it - just like Draco did it so perfectly in this situation.


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The daily updates are back! I’m so happy so many of you are reading, even if it’s in an experimental format! XOXO

There was a guest room built in that could be added to the Golden Trio’s apartment with a simple extension charm.

Severus thought it meant something he wasn’t asked to stay there, but slightly less glad when he only got this information because it was used for Draco to stay in.

However, when he couldn’t fall asleep at night, he was mind was reeling on what happened.

Draco had set him up to look as if Severus was unnecessarily cruel with his comments towards him, and the Gryffindors didn’t seem to question what a situation looked like.

Meanwhile, the younger Malfoy was taught from his childhood to act on his strengths, and Severus never did that.

Just to take his mind off of things, Severus visited Monger in the morning, and they were still talking when the guards came to collect him, and Severus Apparated home and lost himself in work next.

After which he received an invitation for dinner courtesy of Hermione, and ended up passing the time waiting for Harry by accepting Ron’s challenge to a chess game.

Which, turned out to be a good one, making Severus calm by taking his worried mind both of his Potion in making, and Harry.

Malfoy: “Should we leave them, eat dinner, and talk to them once they are back to the real world?”

Potter: “We were late, we can wait a little bit longer.”

Granger: “What were you up to, anyway?”

M: “Working.”

Weasley: “Well, I can’t concentrate with all of you breathing down my neck, so we better eat.”

Severus thought he could show Harry he could be civil with Draco, after all, he knew the blond wizard best probably in the past.

It wasn’t easy to not react when provoked, given Draco's underhanded insults/playful insinuations/negative jabs that couldn’t be denied without jumping into defense, making Severus look as if he was so wary because he was hiding something.

But when Draco didn't succeed baiting him as the last day, conversely it was him who got more and more agitated.

Severus didn’t even stay at the table gloating when he could have, instead, he rejoined Ron with the chess set.

Only to be so immersed in it that just when he won did he look up to find Harry sitting a bit further away in the room, probably watching for a while, smiling when Severus - although not easily! - defeated Ron’s quite strategic but maybe a little bolder attacks.

W: “No one, except Bill could ever challenge me. I hope we’ll have a rematch.”

S: “Indeed. I only played with other teachers, and having you as an opponent was quite refreshing.”

W: “Can we adopt him, Hermione?”

M: “Oh-oh Harry, someone might just steal your ex-boyfriend away.”

P: “Don’t tell me you’re attracted to Severus as well because then we’ll have a problem.”

It was a joke on Harry’s part, and Ron was still laughing when then a tomato-red (most probably from fury than embarrassment, but maybe both) Draco said he’ll retire for the night, and Harry went to take care of the dishes with Hermione, Ron just mentioned on a lowered voice.

W: “Thought this will finally lead him to just shut up, he never managed to beat me. And I have been watching him for more than 7 years acting completely different with Harry than he’s with everybody else, but it’s not my or Hermione’s place to tell Harry about that.”

Severus was mildly taken aback hearing that, but after the skills Ron had displayed on the chessboard, he also wasn’t.

S: “Did you let me win?”

Although it shouldn’t have mattered, Severus felt cheated.

W: “Oh no, it’s not in my nature to let anyone win in a sacred sport that chess is. But you shouldn’t do it either.”

S: “I didn’t.”

W: “I wasn’t talking about chess. Playing fair and being generously patient with little shits like the Malfoys doesn’t sound like you.”

S: “We played one game, and you know me this well already?”

But then, magically doing the dishes was quicker, and Harry and Hermione were back.

P: “What does Ron know?”

W: “That Severus’s favorite potion ingredient is your hair.”

P: “Fine then, don’t tell me, but I’ll steal him away for a walk.”

G: “At this time?”

P: “I hope I don’t have to abide by a 9 o’clock curfew, _mom._ ”

G: “No, I’m just saying I thought we all could watch a movie to—“

Weasley just gave her a look.

G: “Nevermind.”

It was nice, because Harry kept talking, while Severus preferred to listen, and the weather was just comfortably cooler, although Sev did keep an eye on their surroundings as well at all times.

More than an hour passed when they decided to turn to slowly circle back, and Harry changed the topic.

P: “You know, we could work together. Draco is here for a couple of days only every month before he leaves again, but spending time with him talking about Potions knowing I’m understood made me realize how much I missed working every day with you.”

S: “I’m not Draco Malfoy. And I would like to conduct my research, not told by the Ministry what to do.”

P: “So to sum up: putting up with me without sex you manage, and you can even tolerate my friends and family well, but you don’t want to spend more time with me.”

S: “I’d discuss any Potions related theories or research you have any day, just—”

P: “You’re thinking if we were to break up and we’d spent most of our time working and living together, you’d be even more devastated. But how can I prove it to you that we might never have to break up?”

S: “I thought we weren’t dating.”

P: “I couldn’t stay away from you, and I just offered not only a walk but a job to you, I fall asleep next to you every night, Sev, what do you think?”

S: “That Draco has been trying to get to you, and while your friends were on my corner, Hermione inviting me again in the first place, and Ron challenging me to play, you weren’t."

P: "Severus, if it's about what happened on the weekend I--"

S: "It’s not. You told me I was coming on Draco too strong and I was. But how you keep referring to him in my presence almost as if you wish I was right and he did have an infatuation with you is a different matter.”

That didn’t make Harry jump up and down with joy, but since Severus calmed since it first happened and could talk about it without being emotional, Harry seemed calm in return.

P: “I guess—“

S: “Monger told me to act more vulnerable around you, and I even considered it, because when you’ve caught me sneaking back from an awkward conversation in the middle of the night, you did call me cute…”

P: “That was because you were so typically yourself, not somebody else.”

S: “Are you sure?”

P: “How would you believe me if I said I was? I didn’t consider mentioning Draco would upset you because I thought my feelings for you were more obvious than that. Don't you think he might target you as you say, because he knows this as well, and you have something he never did?”

S: “You didn't believe me before. What happened?”

P: “I stopped him.”

S: “But?”

P: “He kissed me, then apologized.”

S: “So you have been kissing him more today than me. And he's still here, nonetheless, you were both late—

P: “We were late because there was an emergency in Arthur’s department and I was helping him out with an enchanted Muggle microwave that ate it’s owner's pets. I can’t send Draco away, but maybe if I told you more than enough times he’s nothing compared to you, you’ll start to believe me.”

S: “Actions speak louder than words.”

P: “Then take a day off tomorrow and I will also. And we can go on a date of your choosing.”


	15. Chapter 15

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading! 
> 
> I'm sure nobody expected these two dates given the last chapter, but I wanted them to be unique. And also symbolize something more, maybe?
> 
> Well, you'll see! XOXO

Potter: “I thought we were going somewhere.”

Snape: “We are, in a sense that I have told Hermione and Ron not to let anyone disturb us for this night, and I established an illusion on my bedroom interior, but we should have a proper lunch first.”

Severus’s idea for the date wasn’t grandiose at all, but he wanted something personal.

If he was right, Harry would like it anyway, if not, at least Severus tried to surprise him with something that wasn’t necessarily just a usual date.

P: “Remind me to never cook for you again, when we can eat something you prepared, this is amazing. I think it’s already a perfect date without anything else.”

S: “I cook every day, but not organize something that awaits.”

P: “I can’t even imagine, can I? But if it’s coming from you, I like surprises.”

Only, when they finished eating on a high note, and Severus had to show Harry his bedroom that now looked as if it was a smaller wooden house from the inside, complete only with covers, blankets, pillows and Muggle magazines, and candy for kids, did Severus grew extremely nervous.

P: “It looks like a cabin? That’s about to become a hotel, but the beds haven’t arrived yet?”

S: “It’s meant to look like a treehouse, and if you don’t hate it, we could build a pillow-fort.”

P: “I’m sorry?”

Harry probably heard everything, because he was already eyeing Severus in disbelief, yet probably thought he heard it wrong.

S: “I have been thinking, and the first thing that came to mind was how you’re a generally mature wizard for your age.”

P: “In some cases, I must be. But I’m afraid I don’t quite get it.”

S: “From what you told me about the Dursleys, then in the magical world also… I think everyone comes to you with some kind of expectation, and you keep trying to make them all happy, but you don’t get time for yourself.”

Harry didn’t say anything, so Severus went on, maybe panicking a little.

S: “I think I also did this. Since you initiated our relationship, and you’re so grown up considering your age, I always expected you to… I guess what this would-be pillow fort is trying to represent is that if you’re with me, sometimes it’s okay to let your guard down and relax.”

Harry stood there for a minute as if he didn’t understand, then took the closest pillow, and looked around.

P: “What structure did you have in mind?”

Severus was reluctant to say, given that Harry’s eyes were teary, but the Wizard Who Lived gently throw the pillow into his arms.

P: “I hope I’m also allowed to get emotional because no one did something like this for me before, and I must admit, I feel a bit caught off-guard.”

S: “I’m fairly tall, so maybe we should have an extremely high pillow-fort.”

P: “Multiple layers, that still should hold.”

And once they were done, it was a perfect place to read some of the magazines while eating candy that was unhealthy, but that’s what Muggle kids did in tree-houses, Severus imagined, at least.

P: “I never want to leave.”

S: “If we’d like to stay a bit longer, I also have a puzzle with a 1000 pieces, but I imagine we should restructure the fort then if we want to have all the space for it, and arrange some more lights to see what we’re doing.”

They did start working on it and had to reach over each other many times for a piece, which then led Harry to kiss him just randomly after putting one into its place.

P: “How did you know I’d love something like this? I didn’t even know…”

S: “Maybe because I knew I’d enjoy spending time with you like this.”

Because, Severus was also young when he became a Potions Master, a Professor, a spy, and came from a generally screwed up Muggle household.

Only, if it wasn’t Harry, he wouldn’t have let anyone know he’d enjoy something as childish, but that was the point.

P: “Can we also sleep in here? If I put a cushioning charm on the floor, maybe? And tell each other customary scary stories before sleeping?”

S: “I didn’t know that was a thing.”

P: “My guess is just good as yours, but I think in Muggle summer camps, it’s fairly common.”

They got through the first story when Harry received an apologetic Patronus from Hermione that there was an emergency they'd tried to deal with, but needed help…

P: “I’m so sorry…”

S: “She sounded like she tried her best to give us some time before calling.”

P: “Maybe you should go to our apartment, and then we can leave the fort and get back to it?”

S: “I’m coming to help too. And we could, but there are also so many other things we could do together next…”

P: “You’re right. I think I want to surprise you next if that’s okay.”

S: “I guess I’m looking forward to it.”

Nine earth golems were unearthed by a Muggle excavation and attacked the outskirts of a small town, and it took the Golden Trio, Severus, and many Ministry workers, not to mention Draco to defeat the rogue creatures, restore order, and Obliviate and misdirect Muggles properly.

By the end of which Severus was covered top to bottom in dirt and mud, and managed to completely forget how Harry said he’ll do something.

Only when a week later Harry mentioned the surprise was ready, did it occur to him again.

P: “I must admit, I just copied your idea, in a sense. But… I proudly present to you: the ultimate Potions Lab. My name is Harry Potter, and today I’ll also be your lab assistant. Put this on.”

Severus got some strange coat, goggles, and even a cap.

S: “So… we’ll work?”

P: “We’ll experiment. Wait, I only now hear how that must have sounded like. We’ll conduct scientific research in a slightly different way. This entire room is warded against fire, water, explosions, heat, gas, hot liquids, molten lava, and alien attack… you name it. Also, I custom-made our gear to protect us from any damage, or if it can’t, I’ll act as an ultra-fast Portkey and get us out of the room before we could get hurt.”

S: “You should be wearing a coat like this at all times.”

P: “Not the point, although I see how it would make sometimes sense. I have been thinking about how you could get me out of my head the last time, so I wanted you to be able to do the same.”

S: “I see.”

He was thinking Potions were already quite in his daily routine, and this didn’t seem special.

However, only when they started the first simple enough brew did he notice the difference.

He didn’t have to so extremely careful at all times with the ingredients, because for instance if a potion spilled, both the table and floor were made to withstand and banish the escapee drops.

And while someone who wasn’t as experienced as Severus could have used this as a way to be lazy or irresponsible with Potions even, he could do something else.

As Harry said, he could get out of his mind, and experiment more freely. He was still calculating not to cause an explosion or harsh reaction, it was unavoidable with so many years in the job, but it was also different.

He got new ideas because he let himself think about more options not fearing so much - even if it was only theoretical - how it could go wrong.

And the more time they spent in this special lab, the more he found himself thinking that way.

S: “Should we stop and get something to eat? How many hours has it been?”

For Severus, it felt like it has been but 2 or 3, but surely it must have been longer because they had more time-consuming Potions.

P: “Eight, but I can order take out, and then you only need to halt until you eat it.”

S: “I’m sorry, I didn’t realize we’ve been here for so long. We should clean up and go for dinner someplace nice.”

It was the least he could offer to Harry since they skipped lunch without Severus even noticing.

P: “I can install the same charms and wards in your lab, and give you the equipment we’ve been using, so if you’re tired, you can always continue this there, Severus. But if you aren’t, then know I’m having just as much fun as you.”

Truth to be told, Harry looked quite funny with his glasses and the goggles, not to mention the oversized white coat, and the green cap, but Severus didn't mind it in the slightest when he kissed him.


	16. Chapter 16

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How is Sev and Harry's relationship evolving, what do you guys think?
> 
> Thank you all for reading! XOXO

Severus returned home from the Golden Trio’s apartment just for a light breakfast before he started working, but that was when he almost cursed someone, who broke through his wards, and now was sitting at his table.

Snape: “Merlin, Monger, I almost hurt you. What in Salazar's name did you do?”

Monger: “I did you a favor. You’re welcome.”

S: “Given that you’re in my home without any heads up or my permission, and I doubt they just let you go, forgive me if I’m not entirely grateful just yet. Without an explanation, at least.”

M: “Think about it like this. I was planning my escape for a while, and I thought I’ll also use it to help you. Win-win.”

Severus kind of felt there was a major “but” coming, but he decided he could invite Monger for breakfast, and listen to the rest while eating.

M: “Mm, Severus, your cooking is even better than I remembered.”

S: “So, about how you saved me from my doom by escaping?”

M: “Right. My plan always was to escape in a way they wouldn’t necessarily just drag me back again. It meant I needed to leave someone in my place, disguised as me, fooling the Ministry identification spells.”

S: “So you left someone innocent there?”

M: “Not innocent, no. Let's just say, you don’t have to worry about Draco Malfoy taking Harry away from you anytime soon.”

S: “You escaped prison, and left Draco Malfoy disguised as you there?”

M: “Exactly. I’m a genius, and that little scumbag deserved everything he got.”

Severus couldn’t believe it. Just when they didn’t seem so edge with Harry anymore, doing slightly better, Monger did this.

Now Severus was probably his accomplice just by hiding him.

And Draco will surely find a way to notify the Ministry of what happened sooner or later (if nothing else, he was locked up with Lucius now, so they could work together).

While he will also make it look like Severus ordered Monger to do this. Or use it to make Harry feel sorry for him, or both. Or something worse.

S: “Just so you know, Draco wasn’t my concern anymore.”

M: “Wasn’t he? You didn’t visit since you told me in no uncertain terms that he was. And don’t get me wrong, because I’d shag you over any of the Malfoys, but don’t you think a young, cocksure blond with daddy dearest huge fortune and agenda is not someone you should risk running after your boyfriend?”

S: “I’ll give you money, but you need to disappear and start a new life, and I shall report your escape to the Ministry once you’ve done that so he can be freed.”

M: “Now, now, Severus, think this through. You don’t need to play fair about this. Don’t make me Obliviate you just because you’ve become a fainthearted wizard with old age, while your dear Draco is in his prime, I’d say. I'm not even shitting you, I could barely take him down when he came to visit Lucy.”

Monger wasn’t pointing a wand at him just yet, but he had to have one somewhere, and he was eyeing Severus carefully.

Who didn’t want to help the Ministry catch Monger, but didn’t want to get rid of Draco like this either.

Monger knew him well, though. So if Severus only agreed just for agreement’s sake, and was intent on freeing Draco later, Monger would notice and possibly attack him without a second thought.

They were staring each other down, just when Severus’s Floo activated, and Harry stepped out of it.

Potter: “Severus, you’ve left this… What is going on here?”

He didn’t personally know Monger as a Death Eater, but his Azkaban uniform would have told anyone something was amiss.

So Harry drew his wand, Monger Malfoy's, and Severus didn’t know whom he’d help in a possible fight, Harry or Monger, so he decided not to escalate everything by pulling his own, but he calculated the distance between all of them and had multiple non-verbal shields prepared.

S: “Harry, this is Monger. Monger, this is Harry.”

M: “Nice to meet you, Mr. Potter.”

P: “I’d like to say the same to you, Mr. Monger. I did hear a lot about you, but I can’t help but notice…”

M: “That I shouldn’t be flirting with your boyfriend in his home? My deepest apologies.”

S: “Monger was just leaving. After which I’ll call the authorities.”

P: “After which you’ll be arrested because you took your time calling them.”

S: “I could say I was under duress.”

M: “Indeed. I, the evil criminal mastermind, made Severus help me with compulsion spells, invading his home, attacking him out of blue, and taking all the money he had.”

P: “Even I, as a Ministry worker, could be persecuted if I don’t try my best to stop you.”

But so far, Harry wasn’t moving. Because he knew he’d have to write a report on it, and under oath, he wouldn’t be able to hide it from the Ministry long that Severus was somehow involved as well.

M: “If you aren’t prepared to kill me in front of Sev, then you might as well just help. Because I won't let anyone take me alive once again, I assure you.”

Harry didn’t react in any way to that, but his wand was still ready the same.

P: “Severus, could we talk just the two of us for a brief second?”

Monger got back to breakfast, smiling and winking at Severus, as the Potions Master led Harry to his bedroom, closing the door behind them.

P: “We have to report him! I know he’s your friend, but…”

S: “He is annoying, but not a truly dangerous criminal. And I do owe him.”

P: “At least you could have arranged it so I wouldn’t just come over when you were hiding him away… incriminating me as well.”

S: “I promise to you, I had no idea he was planning something, or I would have talked him out of it. Especially since he needed someone to substitute him, and it seems to me he… left Draco Malfoy disguised as him in his cell.”

P: “What?! Jesus, Severus! Not this again, I thought I made it clear it was behind us!“

S: “I swear I didn’t ask him to, he just thought I would appreciate the gesture, but you need to believe me.”

It didn’t look good. And he asked Harry to give him the one thing Severus himself found hardest to give to anyone. Unconditional trust, that - in this case - surpassed even law, and how things seemed to make Sev look guilty as well.

Harry bit into his lip, but then just shook his head.

P: “I don’t want to help him, but clearly, I can’t let them lock you up again with him, so we’ll need a plan. A better one than he had, and in the end, we need to make sure Draco is freed.”

S: “I think it’s smartest if you leave now, just in case—“

P: “I’ll help. It doesn’t matter if I'm involved anyway now, but I want to make sure you’ll come out of this unscathed.”

Severus tried not to feel lucky to have Harry go to these lengths for him, and failed. He was tearing up before he could Occlude the sentiment away.

S: “I don’t know what to say. Other than thank you.”

Harry just stepped closer, holding Severus’s face in his hands, comforting him laying a small kiss on his nose, while reassuring him it will be okay when Monger appeared in the door.

M: “Aren’t you two cute together. I’m glad you seem to like Severus just as much as he likes you, Harry, otherwise I’d be forced to hurt you.”

P: “Frankly I’m not so delighted with you either, Mr. Monger, but as long as this isn’t just a scheme trying to get Severus from me, I think we can work something out that will be acceptable for all of us.”

M: “Oh, Severus, I’m jealous now. He is more than just a looker, isn’t he?”

Harry might have believed his provocation because for a minute, he didn't say anything, only eyed Monger with a pissed look on his face.

And while Severus didn't think anyone could get jealous over his person, his memories how he felt about Draco were still fresh, making sense if Harry wasn't impervious to human emotions either.

S: “He isn’t gay. Just likes to stir trouble because chaos amuses him greatly. That’s why he’d become a Death Eater in the first place. Just ignore him.”

P: “And how is his work moral, then?”

M: “Oh Harry-Harry-Harry, _just look at me._ Who’d hire me for any real job? Especially now that I’m on the run? Not to mention, Severus is right, unfortunately. I’m not the desk-job type.”

P: “No, I didn’t think so. But what if you could move to another continent where I’d personally give you a job… A job where you’d be able to sell trouble, even if nothing illegal?”

M: “I’d say I’m all ears, boss.”

P: “As it happens, a good friend of mine is the owner of the Weasleys’ Wizard Wheezes. I have to talk to him, and tell him the truth about you, but I know he has already considered opening a branch in America, he just didn’t have the right person for the job before.”

Monger seemed to be shocked.

M: “Seriously, you see me running a joke-shop? Talking to customers, and snotty kids politely?”

P: “No, I’d rather see you talking to them quite mischievously. And I also think you could even help invent some merchandise, and create some chaos, just maybe put a little more emphasis on the joke side of things, not the criminal.”

M: “And if I rather just take some of Severus’s money, and disappear?”

P: “You could, but it’s not a long term solution, is it? Sooner or later the Ministry will most likely find you. But if they find you as a hard-working, rehabilitated wizard who brings fun and a nice profit to the international wizarding community, and I can tell them it was my way of rehabilitating you, sticking my neck out for you, then maybe they'd leave you alone. But only if you're willing to do your part, and not betray the trust I'm only giving you because you're a friend of someone who means a lot to me.”

Monger turned back before Harry could take him to George next.

M: “Severus, I was wrong. He isn’t cute, he’s creepy. You told him one thing about me, and suddenly he's a mind-reading Jedi, who knows me better than my mother. Run while you can, or he’ll be right in every argument you two will ever have and change you for a better person even without you noticing.”

Severus knew Harry wasn't such a know-it-all, nor as demanding or perfect as Monger seem to think, but maybe it was better if Monger feared Harry a bit, for now at least, if he got to urge to cause some trouble or leave just once again, before he could get used to his new job.

So Severus allowed himself a proud smile, saying.

S: “It’s not mind-reading, but empathy, Mong. An attitude you might want to try out sometime in the near future now with a new vocation and moving to another country, perhaps.”


	17. Chapter 17

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had to rewrite this soooooo many times. Is it crazy for me to think that even if it's not perfect, at least it's better now than the hundred thousand versions before? XD
> 
> Disclaimer: in this chapter there mentions of mental health issues and of intended self-harm. I hope it isn't triggering because it's described as something from the past, but I want to make sure you guys know. Thank you all for reading! XOXO

They were doing so well. Had been on more dates than Severus could count now, each of them turning out either great or a complete bust, but then they could also laugh about it.

That was when Hermione asked Severus to try to talk or Legilimens Romilda Vane, who was in custody now but claimed she had placed a curse on Harry and other important Ministry officials before her capture. 

Ron and the other Aurors had found some tools and Dark Magic residue in her hideout, so it wasn’t entirely impossible, and Severus wanted to help. He wouldn’t be able to rest until he knew Harry was completely safe.

Vane: “What is he doing here? How come he isn’t locked up but I am? How is this fair?!”

S: “Miss Vane, good afternoon to you too. How have you been?”

V: “What do you want?”

S: “Miss Granger told me you’re withholding information. Even managed to pass out when she tried using Veritaserum on you.”

V: “Oh, I have information. On your ex-boyfriend, and even if the Prophet didn’t answer the letter I sent them just yet, I have proof.”

S: “You’ll be sure pleased to know that Harry and I are back together, and very happy.”

They still didn’t have the physical side of their relationship back, but Severus was patient, giving Harry - just like himself - time as agreed, and he wouldn’t tell that to Vane.

V: “You’re a fool. Do you know why he’s with you?”

S: “I’m guessing you’re about to enlighten me.”

V: “He didn’t have any family growing up, at least certainly not a proper family… so he looked for companions who were simple perhaps… but easier to control. Loyal to the point they’d never leave him, so he wouldn’t feel alone ever again. Just look at Granger. Or the Weasleys. They are all idiots.”

Severus wondered how Hermione lasted this long with this venomous person not asking his help sooner when she seemed hurt even by such a simple comment.

S: “Idiots you say, yet they saved you and everyone in magical Europe from Voldemort.”

V: “I talked to him, you know, and with me, he didn’t have to pretend. Not like with you.”

Probably Harry did talk with her, and maybe even fed into some of her whims, just for her to let him go.

S: “Hermione and Harry’s friendship are based on reciprocity. She doesn’t need to kidnap and threaten him for Harry to even consider spending time in her vicinity, but the same can’t be said about you.”

V: “You are an even greater fool than her.”

Severus shrugged.

S: “I’ll take my chances.”

V: “Harry couldn’t find someone desperate enough for 10 years to do the same in a relationship that he’s been doing with his friends, but then found you. Don’t you have no sense of shame, Professor?”

S: “Out of this 10, interesting how he never once found you.”

He felt her anger rising, which would help him Legilimens her at the right time, but they weren’t there yet.

V: “He chose you because you’re so pitiful, next to you he’ll look like a saint. And also because the moment he got bored with you, or you did something he didn’t like, he knew he could just end everything without any regret.”

G: “That’s more enough. Harry was never like that, and if you’ll say just one more word, I’ll arrange for you to be taken back to your cell immediately!“

V: “Oh don’t tell me you think of yourself as Harry’s equal in your friendship, that’s so cute. But at least you didn’t sleep with him, did you?”

G: “He is my BEST FRIEND, and Severus—“

V: “Don’t worry, Snape couldn’t resist him either.”

S: “Maybe you should leave, Hermione. I’ll call for the guards once we’re finished.”

Vane gave Hermione a sinister wink as she left, but Severus didn’t let the topic go.

S: “Just so you know, you sound as if you hate Harry, and bitter bitches aren’t the most credible source I’d base my love-life on.”

Maybe if they went on like this, he wouldn’t even need to use Legilimency at all, he could get her to blurt out a couple of things while talking.

V: “I love him better because I know the real him, but I can still accept him. Answer me this: how many times did he lie to you, even before you started dating? How many times since? Did he ever threaten to stop having sex with you if you disappointed him the slightest?”

S: “He did none of these things.”

V: “Now who is lying! And you don’t even know! Harry told me, and not even Granger knows!”

S: “Not even Granger knows what?”

It seemed like he could be successful, after all. She wanted to prove herself so badly she was telling him now everything. 

And Severus had learned how not to rise provocation even if it came from the Dark Lord himself. Vane was nothing compared to that challenge if Tom was in one of his moods...

V: “He told me when he drank the potion he made, the one you had to save him from, he knew.”

S: “He knew what exactly?”

V: “He knew the potion wasn’t ready and that it would kill him, but at least it would look like an accident, so all his faithful followers could mourn for his poor, poor soul.”

Severus didn’t think twice, but struck her mind with Legilimency, not willing to listen to a second longer, and was out on the door in two minutes, reporting to Hermione.

S: “No reason to worry, Harry told her a story she only believed because it was what she wanted to hear and thought she could arrange an interview with the Prophet or see him again if she claimed she planted some curses.”

G: “What is the rumor she’d like to spread? I’d like to be prepared, just in case.”

S: “I didn’t get it from her, and I might have overdone the Legilimency a bit because I doubt she will remember waking up.”

G: “Severus, you weren’t supposed to Obliviate her! What if you're wrong and she did put a curse on someone? That could be easiest undone by the caster...”

S: “I'm not, and I did both you and her a favor. She was so much more pleasant a couple of years ago, you wouldn’t even believe.”

It took for him another 16 minutes to find and get Harry away from watching eyes, asking him.

S: “I’ve talked with Romilda Vane today, and she claims you tried to kill yourself. If I hadn’t watched her memory, I’d think you were misleading her to get away, and that’s what I told Hermione, but it’s wasn’t just a lie, was it?”

Potter: “I'm sorry, it's true. But I’ve been seeing a Mind Healer for 7 months now, and I meant to say something before we started having sex again. You did say I could be myself with you, and I didn’t want you to hear it from someone else.”

S: “So Hermione knew.”

P: “She didn’t give you all my notes then, I kind of left a letter of apology to her and some other people.”

Severus first felt upset and betrayed, because if Vane was brutally right about something so important, what was the guarantee she wasn’t just right about everything else as well?

But she had said nothing about the letter, and Severus knew Harry cared for others, didn’t he? That’s why he was so eager to show his best side in front of everyone, not because he was sinister.

But it still meant he had worse problems than Severus had already sensed, and Sev couldn’t really help.

S: “You look so happy all the time.”

P: “That’s because when I’m with you, I tend to be happier. Most of the time.”

S: “And pretend for the rest.”

P: “My Healer warned me I shouldn’t tell you what happened if I was expecting you to keep on rescuing me. But I think I wanted to tell you exactly because I want you to know I’m working on it, and you shouldn’t. If I’m about to blow something up or break my neck in a freak accident, you should just shrug and walk away, and I won’t try to arrange to spend time with you 24/7 either, for instance, I already hired Luna for the potions post I mentioned, even if you would have been a hundred times better candidate to be completely honest, but I'm trying too...”

Stragely, Harry babbling away diffused all the negative thoughts Vane planted in Severus’s head.

Vane only could get to him at all because Severus used to think little of himself almost all his life, and she only relied on enhancing that familiar feeling from his past.

However, was Harry doing okay? Could Severus ever stop wondering about that from now on?

S: “I’m glad you’re talking to someone. And that you told me.”

And he hugged Harry, who tried to stop him.

P: “What have I just said about our gradually reversing codependency and how you shouldn’t treat me any different?”

S: “Oh, this is a very selfish hug, not meant in any way for you. After what Vane told me, I needed one, and you just happened to be the closest.”

P: “For what it’s worth, I am glad you aren’t mad or hate me right now.”

S: “I can always be passive-agressive later.”

And he let Harry go, because he didn’t want Harry to feel oblidged to act as if Sev was helping him when he wasn’t, on the top of everything.

But he also made a mental note to move another date idea a little bit further up in the calendar than he previously had planned.


	18. Chapter 18

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you, everyone! I appreciate every comment, kudo, or anyone following along with the story! XOXO

Potter: “This is unlike you.”

Snape: “I have hidden my wand attached to my ankle, so worst-case scenario, I’ll put a bubblehead charm in both of us if any of this tacky Muggle equipment malfunctions, don’t worry.”

Harry gave him a small kiss on the cheek.

P: “I was referring how you came out of the dressing room just in briefs and put on a wet suit in front of everyone.”

S: “Those were the instructions.”

P: “Oh, I do enjoy seeing you in all sorts of swimsuits, just as without, but I didn’t know I could.”

Severus did hesitate to take Harry for scuba diving, but then when it came to changing his clothes, his mind was on spelling his wand invisible so he could still take it with him.

S: “I wouldn’t go on the streets looking like this, but it’s what everyone’s wearing here. And since Hermione saw me coming out of your room in the middle of the night, just barely not naked, I think I can take a couple of Muggles I’ll probably never see again staring.”

P: “If they stare, that’s because you look so hot.”

Severus didn’t believe that for half a minute, but then the lessons began, and unfortunately, they were paired up randomly, and the Muggle woman he was with kept blushing when they had to do the first line of practice steps together.

So maybe Harry wasn’t wrong?

Could it be, that once Severus started to pay attention to his looks, and started cooking and not skipping meals, the perception of others has changed of him?

Or, with his luck, Harry’s charms and mannerisms rubbed off on him just enough that he looked more approachable now? Or maybe not.

P: “I think you scared her. You’re scowling.”

S: “I was just thinking.”

But truthfully, it was nice to complete the equipment checks with Harry next, the Muggle woman running away.

This scuba-diving lesson only took them to shallow water, more intent on teaching everyone the basics, but there were “treasures” hidden under the water, and Severus had different plans when they finally got a little time to explore.

S: “I hope this doesn’t bring back any bad memories for you from the Triwizard Tournament.”

P: “Actually, it’s like a therapy session. Here I’m not attacked, observed, my friends aren’t hostages, and my oxygen tank isn’t running out anytime soon. It’s completely different. Thank you for bringing me.”

S: “I wanted to show you something else. Try to show you, at least. If that’s okay.”

If not, they could be still observing the “underwater museum” as the others were about to or already doing it.

P: “I’m curious.”

S: “I don’t know how the water and the scuba mask will hinder us, but I hope it’s not impossible.”

P: “So, what shall I do?”

S: “It’s okay to see the objects the others are investigating first.”

P: “Mysterious.”

They did go together though, so that was just as Severus planned. And Harry - as Gryffindor as ever - led them naturally, pointing at things and fishes and underwater creatures he noticed and wanted Severus to see.

But, at one point, Severus started to ignore most of his hand signals and even turned to swim the other way some minutes later.

It was kind of a gamble, whether Harry would want to stop him badly from drifting away from him, or just get upset or wouldn’t even care, but…

Maybe it was also a test, on Severus’s part, hoping that it mattered just enough for Harry what happened to him, although he didn’t even admit this to himself.

Not half a minute passed, and Harry followed Severus in the water, trying to get his attention from the corner of his eyes.

_P: “I hope he isn’t upset. It was going so well. Severus, stop, what are you doing? Merlin, could I have insulted him even under fricking water, somehow? Way to go, Harry, Savior of the Wizarding World my ass, can't even have a simple date without messing up… Severus, slow down! How am I supposed to apologize if you swim so fast?”_

Severus decided not to listen on the thoughts any longer, as if he was spying on Harry, when in fact the Boy Who Lived didn’t notice it yet but we're sending them straight to him.

So he just stopped swimming away and turned to face Harry, which only helped what he was about to do.

_S:”You’re doing well.”_

_P: “What do you mean? I’m not doing anything!“_

But then he realized that wasn’t true, and it gave a chance for Severus to explain. 

_S: “I’m sorry I left you, but this should have been how I first taught you Occlumency. Not reading anyone or starting with shields, but sending some coherent ideas, and understanding the ones that are sent back to you.”_

_P: “But you’re highly skilled, so even if I suck, we’d probably be able to do this, no?”_

_S: “Not necessarily, because eye-contact is a part of it, and we have a huge amount of water and the masks on between us, so I wasn’t even sure it would work.”_

Maybe if Harry didn’t actually hate Occlumency any longer, he could meditate and practice and that would also help his mental health, although Severus was keen on keeping that intent hidden from the other wizard, at least until he figured it out himself. 

_P: “Can we still go and see the rest of the staged underwater ruins? Now I know it wasn’t the point, but I feel like as if I’m exploring the Titanic, and as if no one had set foot there before.”_

_S: “But of course._

In the end, Severus had to Apparate them home, Harry being drained. 

P: “I don’t understand. We barely just swam around and used a little bit of magic, I shouldn’t be this tired.” 

He was sitting on the couch because he couldn’t even stand, so Severus gave him a Muggle drink from the fridge, full of sugar that should help him recuperate somewhat. 

S: “The scuba equipment was heavier than even I expected, and you needed to carry it even if not for long… and with swimming back and forth and communicating under the water, I think it’s no wonder you used up quite much energy and magic.” 

P: “But you’ve been doing all these things and you’re fine! Even if I was talking, you needed to listen, which is just as much draining…“ 

S: “If you are efficient in Occlumency, you need less energy to send the same message. But since you barely just started yet, it’s only natural you’d use a lot of magic that’s only going to excess. And you’re such a chatterbox, you kept on talking and talking and _talking_ to me, even after when you must have realized you’re getting really tired…” 

P: “Oh, I see, I see how it is now. You’re picking on me, the Hero of the Wizarding World…” 

S: “Maybe.” 

P: “Good. At least you don’t treat me differently.” 

S: “I’ve been terrible to you you’re entire life except lately—“ 

But Harry made an effort and got to his feet to kiss Sev. 

P: “All I’m saying, it’s nice for a change. Please never try to be someone else when you’re with me.” 

S: “I’ll try to keep that in mind.” 

_P: “Also, I love you.”_ “Did you hear that?” 

_S: “Does this mean we can have sex again? No, I’m just kidding."_ “I love you too. But you should be resting. Next time maybe we could go the the Great Lake and practice with a Bubble-head charm, but maybe for a shorter amount of time.” 

P: “We can go again? This definitely warrants some sex, as soon as I’ll have some of my strength back.” 

Severus didn’t want to rush to anything in that department, but he also didn’t want the topic to get weird, because at some point in the future he wanted to have Harry again. 

It was plain torture sometimes, feeling close to the raven-haired wizard, yet still so far, just one touch away always, that wasn’t allowed - Severus didn’t want to risk everything to even try until Harry told him to and meant it. 

But as long as they could joke about it like this… maybe not all was lost. 


	19. Chapter 19

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Take care, everyone! XOXO

Hermione already wanted to go on a double date with Ron and them some weeks ago and took some delight in showing them around.

It was nice, as far as Muggle cinemas went, even her explanations were welcomed, given that Severus knew nothing about Muggle films and the customs that seemed to accompany the motion of watching one.

They could buy some quite unhealthy food they’d never eat at home, and watch some movie that was a bit boring, but somewhat artistic, Harry’s head resting on Severus’s shoulder until the lights came back on.

They had a late-late dinner after, and Severus found himself and Ron in a bickering match about Muggle alarm-clocks, but not because they disagreed. 

They just both enjoyed the challenge of arguing against each other is a clever way.

It seemed to be a good night for Harry, because he looked much relaxed, therefore younger, and still smiling even though he looked also sleepy by the end of it all.

Yet, when the other two Gryffs decided to retire to their room, Harry not only kissed him but kissed him as if he was just about to have Severus right then and there on the couch.

Severus: “I’m not fond of stopping you now, but—“

Potter: “Then don’t. You’ve said it, we’ve been doing our best to build a serious relationship, we deserve to also have some sex after so much work.”

S: “I didn’t. And sometimes it’s not about how something could be reasoned away, but how you feel.”

P: “I’m ready.”

S: “Let’s do it tomorrow then. I’ll make something special for dinner, and you can come over or we charm your faulty door shut, and—“

P: “I don’t want to wait.”

Severus had a nagging feeling they were rushing it, maybe exactly because so much time had passed since they'd last done anything… but Harry didn’t listen to him and was fighting dirty.

He first climbed the top of Severus on the couch, and didn’t let him go until Sev couldn’t think straight anymore, then Apparated them both straight to his bed.

As if he knew the Potions Master was just about to use how they were still in the dining room as an excuse.

Not that it wasn't good. Maybe the best sex they'd ever had.

And Severus only fell asleep to get up Harry already kissing him the next morning. Just to have let Severus take him once again even before breakfast.

P: “I do feel like this is going to be a great day. Look, the sun is shining, I can already smell Hermione made pancakes for breakfast, and oh! I have to kiss you again.”

And he did and seemed to be bursting with energy, but Severus feared it might have been because he was lying to himself as well.

What if he wasn’t ready? If he never would be, after what Severus did to him?

Alternatively, what if this good mood was just a calm before the storm, signaling how he was about to become depressed again?

If it happened, and he’d broke up with Severus, he could use the timing of their newfound intimacy as an excuse.

Or, was Severus - with his also messed up passed and behavior patterns he kept on repeating - just unable to appreciate even such wins for both of them?

So he’d try to find an excuse not to be happy, even when he had every reason to?

Weasley: “Not that we aren’t happy for you guys, but maybe you could use some spells so we wouldn’t hear you next time. Last night you seem to have forgotten and—“

P: “But you didn’t hear anything this morning, so your argument is no longer necessary, Ron.”

W: “Oh? What didn’t we hear, exactly?” 

Granger: “Don’t answer that, Harry.”

P: “As if I was about to go into detail?”

W: “Well, I’m just saying, Severus isn’t a teenager anymore, so if they were—“

S: “I trust I haven’t turned invisible? Nor deaf? Which means you know I’m right here and hear everything?”

W: “If anything, I was complimenting you, and your stamina.”

Who needed enemies when Severus could have Ron on his side - or at least so he said. 

But they couldn’t carry on for much longer like this because Harry finished his plate only to say.

P: “Actually, maybe you could find someone else to rent out my room, Hermione? I'll still pay you until you can find someone, but I was thinking I'd like to move out.”

Severus didn’t want to tell Harry that was no way of asking him if he could move in with Severus but seeing Hermione’s expression he was reminded why she suddenly seemed so concerned.

She was the only one beside Severus who knew about Harry’s problems, and if they wouldn’t live together anymore, she wouldn’t be able to always keep an eye on him.

S: “And where will you go, exactly?”

P: “I don’t know yet, but somewhere where I wouldn’t be living with my best friends from high-school still, no offense, guys.”

S: “So is this your covert way of saying I should extend my house with a charm?”

P: “As great as that sounds, your home is almost as large as you could make it, so if you don't want to get rid of your lab, I'd rather just pick out a place for myself.”

S: “I see.”

P: “You can come with me and help me decide, and then maybe _I’ll_ extend it if sometimes you come over to visit me.”

G: “Are you sure you want to do this, Harry?”

W: “‘Mione, I’m beginning to think you don’t want him to leave so you don’t have to spend more time with me.”

G: “That’s not… I just…”

P: “…keep worrying we know. But so many things have changed, and I'm not moving to another dimension. We could still see each other plenty, it’s not the end of the world, but I want this.”

W: “Was last night so bad you’d like to escape us, mate?”

P: “It only prooved we could still all spend time together, even if I’m not your third-wheel.”

G: “Harry, you never were our third wheel, you were the bridge between us, even when we first became all friends.”

W: “No wonder he wants to leave if you say things like this, M.”

Surely, the almost sit-com like Gryff chatter could have gone on forever, but they all had jobs and strict schedules, so Ron took off first.

Harry Flooed out second, simultaneously taking one more pancake to go, while kissing Severus goodbye, already rushing despite how the day just barely started.

Hermione also changed by the time Sev finished reading through the newspaper, but she came back to say.

G: “He’s very different.”

S: “You tell me.”

G: “I can’t tell if he’s genuinely better, or wants to cut us off because he's really not.”

After last night and that morning, Severus would have loved to claim loud and proud Harry was indeed much better, but he couldn’t for sure.

S: “Either way, I can’t tell him what to do.”

G: “You could peer into his mind just a little… without him noticing, couldn’t you?”

Severus only stared. As he spent more time with Harry lately, so did he with Hermione and Ron and they both grew in his eyes. But now the witch was so terrified she’d suggest something like this, “for Harry’s sake”?

S: “Even if I could, I wouldn’t.”

G: “I understand. There is always another way, then.”

S: “I hope you aren’t planning on a strategy that would—“

G: “You could tell him you wanted to move in with him.”

Severus froze for just a second hearing that because she was right. 

There was a difference of Harry not asking him to move in as he didn’t, but _letting_ Sev still do the same, if he brought it up.

But also, it wouldn’t be like Severus. He wouldn’t move in with anyone else at this stage of a relationship, valuing his privacy and uninterrupted research sessions greatly.

And Harry said he wanted nothing less than special treatment.

S: “If I do, I’ll be sure to tell him it's only because you ordered me to, Hermione.”

G: “Not if I tell him first how you tend to still deflect serious matters with sarcasm. But do me a favor and at least think about it. Would it be so terrible, or is it so intimidating for you because it could be also great?”

He was left speechless, when she also kissed him - on the cheek - on her way out.


	20. Chapter 20

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all very much for reading! XOXO

Severus couldn't decide why he felt like he should move in with Harry. Was it because that would have been his original plan, or was it because Hermione talked to him?

So he decided not to do it. At least not until he could be sure he was making his own mistakes, not being pushed by someone else.

However, as Harry said, that didn't have to stop him from visiting often or even spending the night.

"You know, I had this very good idea, just right now," Harry told him on one such occasion, just when Severus woke up.

Harry didn't yet own a bed, so he had only a mattress, and there were boxes on the floor everywhere, in various stages of unpacking.

But, the mattress was big enough for them both, and Severus genuinely liked the neighborhood of the apartment and the way Harry started to furnish it.

Snape: "Does it require us to be naked?"

Usually, it was what Harry was thinking about, after all, when he used this tone with him.

Potter: "No, just you."

S: "Oh?"

P: "You know, you did complain you couldn't walk around naked in the middle of the night because the last time you were almost caught like that by Hermione. But here... maybe you could."

S: "Don't tell me you moved here because I commented on that once."

P: "No, but I wouldn't mind exactly."

Severus only kissed the grinning Harry, a bit sorry they both had to leave for work soon.

S: "I'm only doing it if you're doing it."

P: "We could."

S: "But we both know you won't."

P: "Then how about for special occasions? Can I request it for my birthday or something?"

If Severus ever thought Harry would get bored of him, Merlin bless his nativity, just this conversation alone could have told him how wrong he was.

S: "Maybe only once. For a very-very special occasion, perhaps. On our 50th anniversary or something."

P: "We'll be together still?"

Funny how quickly serious matter could turn into jokes and how a bit of joking around could turn to a conversation, but Sev could see Harry wasn't just kidding anymore.

S: "What do you think?"

P: "Maybe, given that you were trying to bribe me just now--"

S: "For the record, that's an incorrect assumption--"

P: "...and if you were, I'd do anything in my power to make it happen."

S: "Then I might want to. Change it to a bribe, even if it wasn't."

P: "There are a lot of ways of bribing someone, you know. I could make a long-long list of what I'd appreciate."

And the rest of the conversation wasn't conducted by using words, making Harry be half an hour late from work, and Severus to start his day even later.

So he wasn't rushing, not exactly, but it meant he also didn't notice Hermione's Patronus at first.

G: "It's Harry. He is in the hospital, and I think you should be here."

Severus didn't even remember how he took care of his ongoing potions, changed, and got to Mungo's.

Where Harry lay in a pretty bad shape, so bad in fact that Snape could only take his hand ever so carefully, hoping to not hurt him any further.

P: "You shouldn't have come... I'm fine. I've certainly been worse."

S: "Let our Harry be Potter, and suffer a near-death accident at least every year... but we're all used to it by now, don't worry."

P: "I must look pretty banged up if you aren't insulting me for my abysmal brewing or something to the same effect right now."

And he lost consciousness soon after, which permitted Hermione to speak her mind.

G: "But it wasn't an accident, was it? I think we should tell the Healers his history, and let them keep Harry at least until we can be sure he's not a danger to himself."

S: "That's exactly what we shouldn't do."

W: "Yeah, Mione, what are you saying?"

G: "It wouldn't be the first time Harry tried to kill himself, Ron, just the last time we got Severus back from the dead to treat him..."

S: "I've spent the entire morning with him in bed, and I can say: this time, it isn't what you're thinking."

W: " _This time?_ And you both knew, but decided not to tell me?"

G: "I hoped dating Severus would be just good enough for Harry to get better, and we could all forget it... But even as I specifically asked Snape to move in with Harry, he left Harry completely alone, and look where we are now..."

S: "Even IF Harry wanted this, which he DIDN'T, I assure you, I wouldn't stop him if he chose to end his life. It's his decision, and it would destroy me, but I'd never hospitalize him, or even watch him 24/7."

G: "I warned you, Professor, explicitly, that this was going to happen--"

W: "Harry's alive, M. Isn't that..."

Ron was interrupted by a loud thud coming from just outside of Harry's room, and when they all drew their wands, Severus half expecting danger, half just George causing some ruckus, it was Luna - also injured - on the floor.

Lovegood: "Someone was listening in on you. I tried to stop them, but they hit me with a curse."

Ron without a question ran down to catch the wizard just turning a corner who must have been spying on them, while Hermione helped Luna into the room because she couldn't be trusted to walk on her own.

She seemed to have been caught in the blast as well, working with Harry, because not even her oversized hospital gown could cover up all the bruises and wounds she had, although she still looked much better than Harry.

L: "I came to thank him. It was me who caused the explosion, but he jumped in front of me. If not for his custom-made protective gear, we'd both be dead. Just like my mom... Could you tell him I would like to resign, once he's conscious again?"

S: "I doubt he'd let you. But you can try to tell him the same thing once he's awake, and he'll tell you himself."

She smiled through her tears, at least, squeezing Harry's hand, and let Hermione find a Mediwitch to escort her back to her bed.

That was when Hermione apologized to him with a sour expression

G: "I'm truly sorry. It seems I was wrong, and shouldn't have blamed you, and trust Harry a bit more."

At least, she didn't question whether or not Luna was lying only to protect Harry - which she could use as a loophole to still argue she was correct, just so Severus wouldn't be right.

G: "It's just... I didn't get to be a Raven because I'm too hotheaded sometimes for my own good. And I care too much for Harry, and it makes me... I'd do anything to protect him, even if it's not what he needs, you see."

Severus knew there was nothing to gain if he couldn't get along with Harry's best friends, but also was secretly glad Harry moved out, not spending all his time under Hermione's watchful eyes.

S: "It's fine, I tend to keep a calm head if someone is yelling at me, old habits die hard. But I want to be Harry's emergency contact from now on, not you."

That way, he'd have a say at least, if Hermione proposed they lock Harry up in a Mind-Healer ward the next time.

G: "We can put in a request to change it as soon as Harry feels good enough to magically sign the papers."

Then they weren't talking, taking up watch on the opposite sides of Harry's bed when Ron appeared with a wizard.

W: "I caught him, but he managed to send out a message first, and he's a Prophet reporter."

Reporter: "Whom you have no right to apprehend, Auror!"

W: "You attacked an injured hospital patient on Mungo's grounds, obtained information on another illegally, and ran away from the authorities, so think again, loser." 

Reporter: "None of this will stick and you know it! However, I can publish very unpleasant articles about how I was kept against my will..." 

W: "Shut up! This is a hospital, where patients are trying to heal, and nobody cares about you, your loud mouth, or all the shite you write." 

And Ron might have manhandled the wizard a bit too rough, but nor Hermione nor Severus was about to stop him. 

It wasn't good news - literally. But Sev assumed the Prophet will print Hermione's words, and they can all rectify it later stating it wasn't true, with Luna as their key witness, once she recovered. 

However, the paper not only revisited every time Harry got hurt in his life as a possible "attempt" and organized a separate column of reader's letters addressed to Harry, no. 

Whining how he was supposed to stay alive, for magical Britain, for the greater good, repeating over and over it's his duty to set an example for everyone.

Making Sev burn every paper in the hospital each morning before Harry could even accidentally come in contact with one, but...

They also started a series of front-page articles next on how Severus was shagging the closeted Savior. 

Reporting on all Harry's exes, and supposed exes, dragging everyone's name through mud who didn't give an interview, sometimes even those who did.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys didn't hate this chapter... True, some unpleasant things happened, but I also tried to include how much Sev has changed.
> 
> Just seeing how he spends his time with Harry in the beginning, or the way he trusts him, and also how he isn't intimidated taking over the responsibility from Hermione, when in the past, even as Harry was dying, he tried to turn them away.
> 
> XOXO


	21. Chapter 21

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TBH I wanted to have some chapters between the last one and this, but it would have felt like I was repeating myself, and also the distance from those events I think make this last chapter more believable.
> 
> Thanks to all of you who were reading, I LOVED writing this, so much so I never wanted it to end... But at some point have to. I hope it still shows how and where things went with everyone involved the story.
> 
> Love you guys! XOXO

**About six years later, on the wedding of Mr. Potter and Mr. Snape.**

Potter: "More than 5 years ago, I got into an accident, and my world as I knew it got turned around. A very public rumor went around saying I was suicidal just around the same time the Prophet started to publish how I was gay, even though I tried to keep it a secret."

His eyes met with Severus's who was seated next to him, nodding that he should continue.

P: "To make matters worse, I blamed my best friend for the whole ordeal, instead of the editors who printed the paper."

He turned to Hermione, and in passing also Ron.

P: "This led to countless arguments with my other best friend, who didn't want to pick a side between us."

P: "I also resigned just weeks after I could barely walk again because whenever I went into the Ministry, I couldn't concentrate on anything else, just the nasty things I've overheard about myself. Which meant I barely left the house anymore, and when the person who cared about me the most got also worried, we had the nastiest fights that often went on for weeks."

Harry took a deep breath, while Severus put a hand on his.

P: "I think I wanted to be angry at someone, and he was the closest to me. While being told over and over again that you have a problem - I also started to believe I had."

P: "It took me almost two years just to get back to the point in my life where I was before, and that's not an exaggeration. Even though I lost both of my parents when I was one and had been attacked every single year at Hogwarts fighting for my life, the Prophet and the people believing it was enough to make me think of myself as truly weak, vile and quite frankly useless."

P: "I lost my adopted family, friends, and my dream job, as well as my apartment at that time. I was still infamous, but not in a good way..."

P: "But I was already seeing a mind-healer and if only for sheer determination I continued. I lowered my expectations of what I could and couldn't do, and if I succeeded in something, I also took time to celebrate and rest."

P: "I must have driven Severus crazy when I hit the knitting and baking phase living at his tiny apartment at that time, trying to stay artificially busy even when the future seemed so unsure and nothing seemed to make much sense. And slowly, I had to reach out to my friends as well, because there was no way I could give Severus one more knitted garment without him doubting my sane of mind, so I got them back, although it took time..."

Hermione smiled and Ron only grinned.

P: "And once I got them back, I got my family's support back, and I was running out of things I could take care around the house, I was able to go out sometimes on a long walk, and think real hard about how could I also fix myself."

P: "It took another 3 months and a lot of encouragement for me to handle even a potion vial again, and all I had to do was just selling the potions Severus made. And business then took off, we made a nice profit, but that wasn't enough. I knew I wanted to brew, but by that time, I was more horrified to do it than the people who feared for me."

P: "I'm not going to lie, building a laboratory for myself, and Luna, who was working with me from the beginning, while Draco helped with the ingredients and the distribution seemed like I was making a mistake, from day one. Like I was wasting the last of my money on a project I have failed with before, and we were also closed down by some Ministry officials for 2 weeks saying we didn't follow the regulations because we were wearing customized gear for the brewing process."

Luna only took a sip of her drink, while Draco shrugged.

P: "I'll never forget how desperately I wanted to quit then, but finally it only made me relocate the lab to America, with help of two pranksters who weren't afraid to publicly as well as financially help me out, even though the Ministry could attack them also later."

George and Monger both raised their drinks from the different sides of the room.

P: "Only then did things start to change. Business was going not well, but fine considering, I had time to research, and Severus joined me first only renting, then buying a house far from the city, and close to a natural forest that was full of ingredients."

S: "And privacy."

Severus added, making people laugh.

P: "Safe to say, sometimes we quite forgot about the ingredients we collected."

P: "Then, Severus also suffered a relapse to an illness that was caused by Voldemort's snake, Nagini almost killing him under the Dark Lord's orders. The medication we had for him before had also lost its potency, and he was in such a great deal of pain that I was afraid he'll overdose on pain medication if we couldn't cure him soon."

P: "Luckily, I had the most brilliant mind in Potions helping me, even if he refused to ever work with me - he listened to every wild theory I had, and not just only then, but still every day. And, once the cure was done, it was submitted by yet again some other dear friends of mine to a contest, which we won."

Slughorn gracefully nodded in the direction of Harry, but Hagrid was sobbing - and not even because he was mentioned as well, but for some time now. Maybe ever since the wedding started.

P: "And it wasn't the last. Since then, our company with Luna had won 3 awards and got about a dozen more nominations. Public opinion seemed to glorify me once more, and now everyone wanted a potion that was brewed by me, so much so we had to close our shop. But we never gave up research. And since then, we've developed potions for Dragon Pox, Obliviate and Cruciatus victims, lycanthropy, and we're running a non-profit organization now, not a shop, with success."

P: "All the while I was nominated and kindly declined multiple posts in the Ministry, among them Minister of Magic, just as a place on the Wizengamot or the Hogwarts school board. But while we were happy with Severus in America, I also thought we could return one day, so that's why I accepted a teaching position from McGonagall, starting this September."

The Headmistress acknowledged Harry's words with a tight expression.

McGonagall: "You don't know what you've signed up for, Potter."

P: "Truth to be told, neither did the Headmistress, when she took a risk inviting me to teach, and I told her I'd only do it if I can publicly marry Severus first, and still be accepted for the job."

P: "But finally, I think we can all agree, in a very punishing and cruel way, the worst moments in my life only had led to everything else later. To the best. And since this is supposed to be a wedding speech, that would address my husband--"

S: "Finally!"

Severus only was joking, of course, making not only the crowd but Harry also laugh.

P: "Originally, I wanted to write a speech about how essential he was to my success, and how lucky I was to have him, and also add a list of promises how I don't want any of us to change in the future, even though we're moving back to where it all started. But I couldn't find the right words, because you see, the things I just listed happened to me, not him. And while it doesn't seem to say much that he was with me through thick and thin, like he was, I thought if I could just explain how ridiculously complicated of a certain Harry Potter's life could be, I'd also give you an outline of the wizard who was supporting me through all this. Didn't leave my side when I was a wreck, a recluse nor a celebrity once more. Not even when he got sick again, did he send me away, not after the many arguments when I was defensive... Nor when he wanted to protect me more, and I wouldn't let him, nor when I was just a financial drain..."

S: "Alright, enough, people also want to dance now..."

P: "Even when I embarrass him in front of everyone tonight by sharing how important he became in my life."

Severus might have blushed and mumbled something trying to hide it.

P: "So while it's true we only got married today, I could rely on him way longer than that. Just as I did on each one of you."

Monger: "Great, now the next potion you develop should be one that would let you impregnate Severus!"

S: "Excuse me?!"

Harry had some sentences still, but he could also read the crowd and how they already got most what he wanted to convey with his speech.

P: "We'll have to discuss that in private later."

S: "But I can tell you right now, Monger: I wouldn't carry the child!"

P: "Probably not, if we only had one. But I guess what I'm trying to say is that without Severus and all of you, I wouldn't be who I am today. So I'd like to thank--"

George: "We know, you love and cherish us, not just bore us all to death sometimes, so can we also hear what Severus wrote for this occasion as well?"

Harry took a seat, while Molly started clapping, and people followed suit, and Severus stood.

S: "Actually, that was my speech, just in reverse. So that's all, thank you!"

And he sat down, but then earning a smile from Harry, he stood again.

S: "It's quite true, except I wanted to point out how Harry was there for me no matter what. And how Harry's friends and family accepted me. As you no doubt can imagine, the last years weren't easy on him, and we got quite a backlash since I was once his teacher. Ironically, he was the one who taught me two things. One, you treasure everyone you got in your corner, and that can give you enough to hope for the day, and you mustn't worry about the rest. And two: it's okay for me to not be so talkative if my husband couldn't even be shot down during a speech, and believe me, I've heard so many since he'd been doing nothing else but winning awards this last year..."

Ronald: "Now that's enough of a bragging!"

S: "I doubt it will be ever enough, now that I'm talking about my husband."

Everyone only cheered when Harry stood also to kiss him (maybe because as Severus said they were finally done with the speeches). 

The only photo taken that night was of this moment, with a Muggle camera only, that Hermione had to sneak in... but later this picture became also the one Harry put on the mantel of their fireplace for both of them to see.


End file.
